03-13-2023, 04:03 PM
March 13, 2023
1st rest day
I am still processing something good that came to my thoughts this afternoon.
Let it be known that I'm seeing and feeling desirable feelings about myself and my life, and I'm drawn toward them. I've been imagining good things A LOT in recent days, and that's exactly what I've been welcoming. I had 2 little conversations with different people today where I was there without masks on, being real. I feel proud of my actions. A me I'm proud to be is emerging.
And why I'm writing is something I saw in my imagination maybe an hour ago, but it was very clear and connected to emotion.
I was watching this love flick, and I watched to see if I could feel parts of myself in the story. However, I felt a common inner pain--which results from me not allowing myself to be loved or loveable. The pain has been constant and normal for me, hidden by distractions of any sort. The movie was about to end, and I felt that pain.....but I sensed some hope and love too. It was small, but noticeably different. I was in a mindset seeking to know if.......if this was possible.
In my mind I began seeing this vertical dark cloth (like a tablecloth) covering the good beliefs and feelings about love which I desired. I see this cloth as how I've viewed life--dark and discouraging, having barely a trace of hope. But the cloth was really, really worn with major holes in it. It was mostly old threads held together. And the last image I saw was it still being held up with mostly just the edges left of it.
I realized I've been holding up this cloth, this supposed reality, even tenaciously since the me behind it has felt so unguarded and vulnerable. Also, I've believed if I let it go I might lose my past and both my good and bad experiences. (Or even lose my common escape routes)
I have been holding on to this. And that's been my reality, for whatever reason. Some say love is more powerful. I may have HAD to hold the cloth, but love and self-love have been so much more desirable lately. I could see and feel the love on the other side, and it was life-giving.
I knew this was E5 activating, and I felt I'd made some breakthrough today. I found the goal which activated:
19. Projection of part of the awareness into the future in which the goals have been safely and successfully achieved, and then pulling the "now" self to that future through the connection. (from the E5 sales page)
1st rest day
I am still processing something good that came to my thoughts this afternoon.
Let it be known that I'm seeing and feeling desirable feelings about myself and my life, and I'm drawn toward them. I've been imagining good things A LOT in recent days, and that's exactly what I've been welcoming. I had 2 little conversations with different people today where I was there without masks on, being real. I feel proud of my actions. A me I'm proud to be is emerging.
And why I'm writing is something I saw in my imagination maybe an hour ago, but it was very clear and connected to emotion.
I was watching this love flick, and I watched to see if I could feel parts of myself in the story. However, I felt a common inner pain--which results from me not allowing myself to be loved or loveable. The pain has been constant and normal for me, hidden by distractions of any sort. The movie was about to end, and I felt that pain.....but I sensed some hope and love too. It was small, but noticeably different. I was in a mindset seeking to know if.......if this was possible.
In my mind I began seeing this vertical dark cloth (like a tablecloth) covering the good beliefs and feelings about love which I desired. I see this cloth as how I've viewed life--dark and discouraging, having barely a trace of hope. But the cloth was really, really worn with major holes in it. It was mostly old threads held together. And the last image I saw was it still being held up with mostly just the edges left of it.
I realized I've been holding up this cloth, this supposed reality, even tenaciously since the me behind it has felt so unguarded and vulnerable. Also, I've believed if I let it go I might lose my past and both my good and bad experiences. (Or even lose my common escape routes)
I have been holding on to this. And that's been my reality, for whatever reason. Some say love is more powerful. I may have HAD to hold the cloth, but love and self-love have been so much more desirable lately. I could see and feel the love on the other side, and it was life-giving.
I knew this was E5 activating, and I felt I'd made some breakthrough today. I found the goal which activated:
19. Projection of part of the awareness into the future in which the goals have been safely and successfully achieved, and then pulling the "now" self to that future through the connection. (from the E5 sales page)
I want to be FREE!
