10-10-2022, 01:46 PM
So resistance has continued and last night I fell asleep a little during ASR but woke up to my subconscious just being grumpy against ASR. I do not think it was ASR that was particularly the reason but my subconscious was just not happy. When ASR was done and went to the first loop of OF, the subconscious tantrum for lack of a better word subsided and I was able to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep.
I do not know how OF progresses in terms of fears but it has to be going after the deeper ones due to the amount of bad behavior on the part of my subconscious. Interestingly enough, for me, resistance seems to only be able to exist in my unconsciousness for lack of a better term. What that means is that for me to try to ignore it is counterproductive. If consciousness is like light, then resistance breeds in the darkness. If I observe my resistance then it quickly dissipates but I must hold my attention to it. This is not an optimal strategy for everyday life though. Also, as someone with ADHD, it is difficult to focus long-term on any one particular thing as well. Someone described attention as having "blinks" like your eyes do and ADD/ADHD people's attention ''blinks'' more often. It is a pretty decent way to describe it I think.
Anyways, other things help as well such as self-love and acceptance as well as being aware of the resistance. If I don't hold or stay aware of the resistance to some degree I will act out of it to some degree. That acting out for me personally is usually some form of emotional self-punishment or some form of not releasing the emotions onto others. In life, I've been one to resist lashing out at others from an emotional state. My family can sometimes bypass that desire but for the most part, it hurts me to hurt others. That does not make the emotions go away but it is usually enough to prevent collateral damage in the form of some sort of emotional outburst.
On the mental front, resistance has been very draining. I am thankful for caffeine as of late as it has been getting me through the tough days. Some days of resistance is like walking around with mental weights on.
Sometimes I feel bad for the scenario I find myself in. My subconscious hasn't received the best instructions from the most influential people in my life, myself included and it's trying to work with what it has; which is a pretty limiting belief set.
Personally, I haven't tried to blame subs too often because I know it's me and it would be very nice if I OF could clear out the mess of fear I find myself in. I am most likely going to run this as long as is necessary to get the big breakthrough.
I do not know how OF progresses in terms of fears but it has to be going after the deeper ones due to the amount of bad behavior on the part of my subconscious. Interestingly enough, for me, resistance seems to only be able to exist in my unconsciousness for lack of a better term. What that means is that for me to try to ignore it is counterproductive. If consciousness is like light, then resistance breeds in the darkness. If I observe my resistance then it quickly dissipates but I must hold my attention to it. This is not an optimal strategy for everyday life though. Also, as someone with ADHD, it is difficult to focus long-term on any one particular thing as well. Someone described attention as having "blinks" like your eyes do and ADD/ADHD people's attention ''blinks'' more often. It is a pretty decent way to describe it I think.
Anyways, other things help as well such as self-love and acceptance as well as being aware of the resistance. If I don't hold or stay aware of the resistance to some degree I will act out of it to some degree. That acting out for me personally is usually some form of emotional self-punishment or some form of not releasing the emotions onto others. In life, I've been one to resist lashing out at others from an emotional state. My family can sometimes bypass that desire but for the most part, it hurts me to hurt others. That does not make the emotions go away but it is usually enough to prevent collateral damage in the form of some sort of emotional outburst.
On the mental front, resistance has been very draining. I am thankful for caffeine as of late as it has been getting me through the tough days. Some days of resistance is like walking around with mental weights on.
Sometimes I feel bad for the scenario I find myself in. My subconscious hasn't received the best instructions from the most influential people in my life, myself included and it's trying to work with what it has; which is a pretty limiting belief set.
Personally, I haven't tried to blame subs too often because I know it's me and it would be very nice if I OF could clear out the mess of fear I find myself in. I am most likely going to run this as long as is necessary to get the big breakthrough.
