07-21-2022, 03:39 PM
So last night's run was interesting. A few minutes into the first loop I felt like there was a wall that was being chipped away in my mind. If true I'm not sure about the outcome. It could have been fully removed or partially. I'm not sure what it was in the first place.
Woke up this morning feeling a little bit calmer and a little bit better rested. Work was a little better, less stressed, and a more grounded feeling. After work is where today's biggest change is at. I could really tell that I was a little calmer throughout most of the day as the amounts of stress and by extension, cortisol was much lower than normal. VERY happy about that.
Some observations; after just one night I feel a little bit more in touch with my body and a little less in my head. Some of the fear or trauma issues I've had seems to have pushed me into my head in a really unbalanced way. That has cut me off from my intuition, which can be pretty sharp, and has cut me off from my heart a bit, which has created an issue with me living a left brain/cerebral life. that may not sound bad but that cut me off from new data input from the heart, which leads to a boring, static, and repetitive life. That turns really old really fast after a few years.
It's probably not always like that for everyone but that's what happened to me. I stopped trusting myself and my life stagnated pretty bad. We'll see where this goes as time goes by but right now I'm pretty intentional about being aware of my body more. This leads me to my second observation; that it is easier to do so. Part of me was pretty terrified for some reason and had deeply retreated to my mind. This has caused me to be less in control of my body than I would like to be. Nothing major, but when I try to meditate I don't get very far, deep breaths don't do much for me and mindfulness is nearly impossible. Also, too much cortisol as I just zone out and force my body to go at the pace I desire instead of a reasonable pace that is overall more healthy.
That's all I can think of for now. Not bad for one day.
Woke up this morning feeling a little bit calmer and a little bit better rested. Work was a little better, less stressed, and a more grounded feeling. After work is where today's biggest change is at. I could really tell that I was a little calmer throughout most of the day as the amounts of stress and by extension, cortisol was much lower than normal. VERY happy about that.
Some observations; after just one night I feel a little bit more in touch with my body and a little less in my head. Some of the fear or trauma issues I've had seems to have pushed me into my head in a really unbalanced way. That has cut me off from my intuition, which can be pretty sharp, and has cut me off from my heart a bit, which has created an issue with me living a left brain/cerebral life. that may not sound bad but that cut me off from new data input from the heart, which leads to a boring, static, and repetitive life. That turns really old really fast after a few years.
It's probably not always like that for everyone but that's what happened to me. I stopped trusting myself and my life stagnated pretty bad. We'll see where this goes as time goes by but right now I'm pretty intentional about being aware of my body more. This leads me to my second observation; that it is easier to do so. Part of me was pretty terrified for some reason and had deeply retreated to my mind. This has caused me to be less in control of my body than I would like to be. Nothing major, but when I try to meditate I don't get very far, deep breaths don't do much for me and mindfulness is nearly impossible. Also, too much cortisol as I just zone out and force my body to go at the pace I desire instead of a reasonable pace that is overall more healthy.
That's all I can think of for now. Not bad for one day.
