A few years ago I would goto other towns by myself and just goto the shopping centre and walk around town. Haven't for quite a while, some of it due to trauma and physical issues originally.. but then also not doing so the last 2 years due to totalitarian bullshit.
Well another difference is now that I have a good friendship group which I didn't a few years ago, but this is still reminding me of E2 where I was doing these things alot by myself. Now it's like "I can hangout with friends or also do these things by myself and be okay either way".
Today I had the urge to, well i'd decided to a few days ago to go today.. but what generally has happened recently is i've woken up and been like "I can't be bothered" so seems UH is doing something.
I've also noticed some symptoms that are similar to when I first got the physical issue I was talking about, but also combined with trauma.. in that certain things make my head start to feel constricted, almost a 'physical shutdown' type feeling. It was so bad at one stage it I couldn't watch action shows or movies for a while which is crazy. Nor could I even watch Martial Arts training videos. Anyway, I noticed some of this response watching some other videos last night. At this point i'd say mostly a trauma based response due to something being worked on, but could also be the detoxing or physical healing part of UH.
Anyway, went to this other town and this is fairly strange. It's like i'm drawing some people in and others won't even talk to me. Like in the supermarket checkout line an old couple started talking to me, and in one clothes shop an older guy working chatted to me a fair bit but didn't say much to the people who come in after me.
But it seems attractive girls working in shops and such weren't even acknowledging me, not really even saying hi as they usually would when you walk in and they're working. Also going into most shops I was like "I just don't even want them to talk to me" which is unusual too as i'm usually happy to chat to them.
My thought is that alot of what's being worked on for me at the moment is around girls, rejection, abandonment and such. So the feeling is almost like it's preventing 'letting them in' as that's where the trauma has come from, or that because that's where the trauma has come from i'm pushing them away and signalling 'stay away from me' at the moment.
I felt like I was alternating inbetween not wanting people to talk to me, to then opening up a little through the day but mostly feeling closed and antisocial.
In the end it reminded me of my old frustration, i'd goto these other places and see attractive girls and not be able to talk to them and get pissed off and feel like it was a waste of time, then the same shit would happen again and again. Today I felt that, but also it was just to get out somewhere and I enjoyed it for that, got a massage, went to the art gallery after that. I also went into an abandoned building which is another thing I enjoy, I just seen it while walking past and went in.
Then when I got back to my town it was a distinct difference, there was a bit of a meeting with some candidates locally, I seen it was still going and I in knowing some of my friends might be there. Wasn't too many people left, but I met the candidates and chatted to them a fair bit, and the distinct difference from the rest of the day is I was talkative, basically had all the attention on me half the time, really good responses etc. And there was one woman there who was cute and I could see that she was a little nervous around me and wondered if she was attracted too, but I wasn't sure if the other guy there was her husband or not.
Now i'm sitting at home, and actually feeling a bit lightheaded which is an old symptom. I've had this a couple of times on UH but in general haven't had it much for quite a while.
So some signs of things opening up a little and wanting to branch out more and go places. As I said i'm doing way more now in the last year or so but due to trauma before, and then the physical stuff I was dealing with I haven't ventured out quite as much, it's kind of felt like too much of an effort.
Well another difference is now that I have a good friendship group which I didn't a few years ago, but this is still reminding me of E2 where I was doing these things alot by myself. Now it's like "I can hangout with friends or also do these things by myself and be okay either way".
Today I had the urge to, well i'd decided to a few days ago to go today.. but what generally has happened recently is i've woken up and been like "I can't be bothered" so seems UH is doing something.
I've also noticed some symptoms that are similar to when I first got the physical issue I was talking about, but also combined with trauma.. in that certain things make my head start to feel constricted, almost a 'physical shutdown' type feeling. It was so bad at one stage it I couldn't watch action shows or movies for a while which is crazy. Nor could I even watch Martial Arts training videos. Anyway, I noticed some of this response watching some other videos last night. At this point i'd say mostly a trauma based response due to something being worked on, but could also be the detoxing or physical healing part of UH.
Anyway, went to this other town and this is fairly strange. It's like i'm drawing some people in and others won't even talk to me. Like in the supermarket checkout line an old couple started talking to me, and in one clothes shop an older guy working chatted to me a fair bit but didn't say much to the people who come in after me.
But it seems attractive girls working in shops and such weren't even acknowledging me, not really even saying hi as they usually would when you walk in and they're working. Also going into most shops I was like "I just don't even want them to talk to me" which is unusual too as i'm usually happy to chat to them.
My thought is that alot of what's being worked on for me at the moment is around girls, rejection, abandonment and such. So the feeling is almost like it's preventing 'letting them in' as that's where the trauma has come from, or that because that's where the trauma has come from i'm pushing them away and signalling 'stay away from me' at the moment.
I felt like I was alternating inbetween not wanting people to talk to me, to then opening up a little through the day but mostly feeling closed and antisocial.
In the end it reminded me of my old frustration, i'd goto these other places and see attractive girls and not be able to talk to them and get pissed off and feel like it was a waste of time, then the same shit would happen again and again. Today I felt that, but also it was just to get out somewhere and I enjoyed it for that, got a massage, went to the art gallery after that. I also went into an abandoned building which is another thing I enjoy, I just seen it while walking past and went in.
Then when I got back to my town it was a distinct difference, there was a bit of a meeting with some candidates locally, I seen it was still going and I in knowing some of my friends might be there. Wasn't too many people left, but I met the candidates and chatted to them a fair bit, and the distinct difference from the rest of the day is I was talkative, basically had all the attention on me half the time, really good responses etc. And there was one woman there who was cute and I could see that she was a little nervous around me and wondered if she was attracted too, but I wasn't sure if the other guy there was her husband or not.
Now i'm sitting at home, and actually feeling a bit lightheaded which is an old symptom. I've had this a couple of times on UH but in general haven't had it much for quite a while.
So some signs of things opening up a little and wanting to branch out more and go places. As I said i'm doing way more now in the last year or so but due to trauma before, and then the physical stuff I was dealing with I haven't ventured out quite as much, it's kind of felt like too much of an effort.
