Eventually I just had to get out of the house, but the unusual thing is I usually would go out to be around people but I just wanted somewhere quiet.
Went down the river where people walk and I haven't felt this anxious around people in a long time, so UH is obviously going deep. A couple of women walked past and I was thinking "I hope they don't say hi to me".
Then I just went and stood there and enjoyed looking at the river. I started having thoughts about how nature finds a way to heal, it grows back and that despite what i've been through I can 'grow' into more than I was before.
But also thoughts of "this is useless, I can't spend another 10 months just idle healing because life is like the water and if i'm idle that life is still going on and can sweep me up" but also "Life goes on whether I participate in it or not, so it's better to participate as that will make me feel more fulfilled."
I remember during E2 I started doing more things by myself just to enjoy them like exploring places. Though I didn't have much of a friendship group back then like I do now.
Went down the river where people walk and I haven't felt this anxious around people in a long time, so UH is obviously going deep. A couple of women walked past and I was thinking "I hope they don't say hi to me".
Then I just went and stood there and enjoyed looking at the river. I started having thoughts about how nature finds a way to heal, it grows back and that despite what i've been through I can 'grow' into more than I was before.
But also thoughts of "this is useless, I can't spend another 10 months just idle healing because life is like the water and if i'm idle that life is still going on and can sweep me up" but also "Life goes on whether I participate in it or not, so it's better to participate as that will make me feel more fulfilled."
I remember during E2 I started doing more things by myself just to enjoy them like exploring places. Though I didn't have much of a friendship group back then like I do now.
