UH is awesome

[User_000]

Now I'm dealing with depression, i don't want to do shit, why i'm even alive, it's useless, and more thoughts are crossing my mind (and my body is like a rock), then I start asking why I feel this way, it's because i have no self esteem, no confidence, no worth, no hope, no love, nothing? or I'm just attaching myself to beliefs I refuse to let go, everything so far was a lie to convince myself life was okey, or I'm attaching myself to the wrong concepts, why should I need a purpose or something of the sort, is because I'm attached to life itself, or because I tried to live it in a certain way, what is happiness either way? I'm at a loss here.

Question those feelings.  That's right.  Ask why.  Listen, seek within, trace it back, contemplate, and allow yourself to listen for and to the answer your subconscious gives you, whether it's through feelings, little voice, intuition or dreams.

If you're at a loss, you're not being specific enough.  But you are doing the right thing in asking and questioning.

Depression and feelings of hopelessness tell us that some part of your subconscious feels these things and is trying to communicate them to your conscious self.  It feels these things because it holds beliefs that contradict what the program is trying to either accomplish or get you to do.  Those beliefs are the issue, and so is holding on to them.  If you can figure out what those beliefs are and change the conclusion that led you to form those beliefs, you have the solution.  Sometimes the beliefs are based on faulty logic, insufficient understanding, lack of awareness or a less than positive point of view.  These things can be changed.

I used to have a girlfriend who was always negative, doom and gloom, and lived on failure based thinking 24/7.  The solution was for her to recognize that he automatic response was negative because she had accepted negative core beliefs from her parents.  All she had to do was examine those beliefs and reason out whether or not they were the best beliefs, true, worth keeping.  I worked with her for years on that, and she refused to change them.  So I left and replaced her with a woman who started out with similar negative beliefs, but who was willing to change what she believed with guidance and help understanding that what negative beliefs she had formed were not necessarily true, accurate or good for her.  That woman has been my girlfriend for 5 years this September, and she has made amazing progress and growth.  We are very happy together as a result.

EDIT: Almost forgot... when I met her she was depressed and hopeless all the time and miserable working for a call center.  Now she's self employed, happy and productive, and she appears to be on track to become financially independent in the not too distant future.  And all she did was change some of her faulty beliefs.

In my point of view life is nothing more than a bunch of probabilities and if something exists then is possible for me to take it, but my beliefs always make it harder, i wish i could erase most of them or maybe is because I'm attached to them so hard, need to learn to let them go, it looks like my subconscious is trying as hard as possible to conceal those beliefs as is giving me a hard time thinking or remembering, sometimes i really want to give it what it want, if it doesn't want to cooperate then i should just kill myself and that's it, revenge complete haha but that's another punishment belief i need to let go, now hatred is growing up upon my beliefs, so frustrating, but i gain nothing from it so i should just watch it, more than hopelessness there is hatred an anger, hopelessness comes after, i guess i'm just wallowing in my emotions instead of solving the problem, what frustrates me the most is lack of understanding (I have a good idea how this came to be), my head wants to explode right now.

Cheers for your girlfriend, most people just keep suffering in silence, living is such a pain (another faulty belief... shit)