02-12-2022, 12:00 PM
I've been thinking of a topic that's been getting me more agitated the more I think about it. More of an opportunity to vent.
Here's the setup:
When I was in my early- to mid- 20s, all I ever heard from women about dating and relationships was that I was not "owed" anything. There was no such thing as reciprocity; to believe that taking a woman on a date meant a potential for romance or sex was considered entitled. If a woman pulled away, I wasn't "owed" an explanation. She was socially allowed to shut me down hard if made an approach because I was the one who was the inconvenience; I wasn't entitled to her time, after all. If she cut a relationship off, it was her right to do what was best for her. She is sexually empowered and can see many people while seeing me, and I'm jealous or insecure for thinking otherwise.
Now that I'VE put in the work to improve myself and make myself more attractive, all of a sudden, the world is no longer this hookup culture that I missed out on, but it's now all about where things are going. The women are super offended if I'm seeing other women. It's about cutting off all your other options and setting yourself up to commit within a month? Women are all of the sudden super monogamous and now I'm the bad guy even after treating them much better than the younger women ever treated me when they had the power? To top it off, they'll call you a fuckboy (which is essentially a slur like slut) to harm your image.
It feels like the biggest bait and switch. It's like... NOW's the time to talk about honor and what I apparently owe the people that I have sex with? Especially when this conversation was shut down hard when it was in the reverse. They're not entitled to my commitment after all.
I've even been told that my actions say relationship - essentially because I'm a gentleman and who affection - though I'm not saying it outright. I've even heard that the act of having sex is in its own way a non-verbal proof that you like a woman and its high level of intimacy screams monogamy (like wtf?). Hasn't there been a whole conversation from women about enthusiastic VERBAL consent? Why is this suddenly being thrown out the window?
Yes, I'm generalizing. Yes, it's different women. But we've been allowed to make sweeping generalizations about men based on individual experiences.
Am I wrong here? Is there something I'm missing?
Here's the setup:
When I was in my early- to mid- 20s, all I ever heard from women about dating and relationships was that I was not "owed" anything. There was no such thing as reciprocity; to believe that taking a woman on a date meant a potential for romance or sex was considered entitled. If a woman pulled away, I wasn't "owed" an explanation. She was socially allowed to shut me down hard if made an approach because I was the one who was the inconvenience; I wasn't entitled to her time, after all. If she cut a relationship off, it was her right to do what was best for her. She is sexually empowered and can see many people while seeing me, and I'm jealous or insecure for thinking otherwise.
Now that I'VE put in the work to improve myself and make myself more attractive, all of a sudden, the world is no longer this hookup culture that I missed out on, but it's now all about where things are going. The women are super offended if I'm seeing other women. It's about cutting off all your other options and setting yourself up to commit within a month? Women are all of the sudden super monogamous and now I'm the bad guy even after treating them much better than the younger women ever treated me when they had the power? To top it off, they'll call you a fuckboy (which is essentially a slur like slut) to harm your image.
It feels like the biggest bait and switch. It's like... NOW's the time to talk about honor and what I apparently owe the people that I have sex with? Especially when this conversation was shut down hard when it was in the reverse. They're not entitled to my commitment after all.
I've even been told that my actions say relationship - essentially because I'm a gentleman and who affection - though I'm not saying it outright. I've even heard that the act of having sex is in its own way a non-verbal proof that you like a woman and its high level of intimacy screams monogamy (like wtf?). Hasn't there been a whole conversation from women about enthusiastic VERBAL consent? Why is this suddenly being thrown out the window?
Yes, I'm generalizing. Yes, it's different women. But we've been allowed to make sweeping generalizations about men based on individual experiences.
Am I wrong here? Is there something I'm missing?
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