12-29-2021, 05:45 AM
Day 118; listen day 2; cycle 18
No anxiety. Firmer head pressure late in the second loop.
No dreams remembered. Had some memories come up early in the morning. I now know what happened to throw my life off of its course when I was a teenager. It's nothing dramatic or traumatic, just a verbal mistake made in the wrong place and time. And there's nothing to forgive, except to forgive myself. Given my complete unknowing about the situation at the time, forgiving myself isn't a stretch at all.
Before E5, I would probably have seen this differently. And I know that I have suspected that incident as the turning point for a while now, long before I started running E5. It's likely that I'm only now able to acknowledge it openly because of the healing that I've done since starting the sub.
The title of this journal is more apt than I originally expected.
No anxiety. Firmer head pressure late in the second loop.
No dreams remembered. Had some memories come up early in the morning. I now know what happened to throw my life off of its course when I was a teenager. It's nothing dramatic or traumatic, just a verbal mistake made in the wrong place and time. And there's nothing to forgive, except to forgive myself. Given my complete unknowing about the situation at the time, forgiving myself isn't a stretch at all.
Before E5, I would probably have seen this differently. And I know that I have suspected that incident as the turning point for a while now, long before I started running E5. It's likely that I'm only now able to acknowledge it openly because of the healing that I've done since starting the sub.
The title of this journal is more apt than I originally expected.
