Stage 2, Day #36/365, 2nd Day ON,
Reaching a point of 'fed-up'ness with the quality of my life.
I went over to a f*ck buddy's place; she's a 6.5, but she looked like she put on 10 pounds since seeing her last week.
Midway through, and after a couple of weird mannerisms from her, I'm thinking "what the hell am I doing here?"
I couldn't finish and I left within an hour.
I honestly believe that I should be with stunners, but I'm not making the money where that would make sense. Feels like there's a weird conspiracy to prevent me from doing that, but in reality I know that my behaviors communicate non-deservingness, and they pick up on it.
Let it be known that my approach anxiety is 99.9% gone; I go up to stunners in the gym and they seem to take it well. My main considerations for the remaining 0.1% are of spooking her at a bad time or of getting MOG'ed (which hasn't happened and probably won't scare me when that happens). When it comes time to take their number, they're "kind of seeing someone" (which often turns out true when we trade IGs). Feeling uber stuck and it's reaching a tipping point. (nothing violent, just feeling motivated to take some unknown action that's unlike myself.. big money move? Not sure)
Money wise, I know that I should be starting some YouTube channel or doing... something. But I never think to invest that kind of time because most of my time is accounted for, but it doesn't make me money.
Anyways, enough about ME ME ME ME ME...
Reaching a point of 'fed-up'ness with the quality of my life.
I went over to a f*ck buddy's place; she's a 6.5, but she looked like she put on 10 pounds since seeing her last week.
Midway through, and after a couple of weird mannerisms from her, I'm thinking "what the hell am I doing here?"
I couldn't finish and I left within an hour.
I honestly believe that I should be with stunners, but I'm not making the money where that would make sense. Feels like there's a weird conspiracy to prevent me from doing that, but in reality I know that my behaviors communicate non-deservingness, and they pick up on it.
Let it be known that my approach anxiety is 99.9% gone; I go up to stunners in the gym and they seem to take it well. My main considerations for the remaining 0.1% are of spooking her at a bad time or of getting MOG'ed (which hasn't happened and probably won't scare me when that happens). When it comes time to take their number, they're "kind of seeing someone" (which often turns out true when we trade IGs). Feeling uber stuck and it's reaching a tipping point. (nothing violent, just feeling motivated to take some unknown action that's unlike myself.. big money move? Not sure)
Money wise, I know that I should be starting some YouTube channel or doing... something. But I never think to invest that kind of time because most of my time is accounted for, but it doesn't make me money.
Anyways, enough about ME ME ME ME ME...
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
