Superman's ERPHA V5 journal

[tolgaocal80]

I had a pretty vivid dream last night. I had been walking around a college campus and I ented up in the library I opened up my phone and saw a post from my ex, she was at the same library but I couldn't find her. I went outside and I came to a grassy area and I sat down. A woman came up to me and started talking to me. Asked me how I was doing and she felt like I've been struggling lately. I agreed and started to tear up a little. Then she took out her phone and said not to worry and showed me  some pictures of tigers and lions and said that's me.

Then she took me to a farm, and on this farm was an actual lion and tiger. (and also a talking velociraptor)

Not sure what it all means, but I really do feel like I'm struggling these days.my burning motivation to go out and do things is pretty much gone. I'm just depressed and moping about. It's really hard to change your mindset and have a positive one, when you've always had a negative one your whole life.  I've always had self esteem and insecurity issues.  Whenever I was with a girl I would either smother her or find ways for her to cut people off because I felt like if she had other people in her life she would see that I'm not good enough.

I'd do things like talk to her all the time with the intention that if she's always talking to me she can't fit anyone else in her life. Or if she has no friends then no one can give her advice or talk bad about me, or encourage her to leave me. I basically made it to that I was the only support for her in her life. And to me that just screams of neediness and insecurity. I wish I could change this easily.

That there are better guys out there that I cant compare to.

And I really think that statement has permeated my whole life. I don't have friends who are close to me in age because I can't compare with them. Whether it be my height, my money, my looks, my sex, I just feel like I can't compare.

Pretty shit way to live.

what do u mean by you cant compare to them?