Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid)

[Reznik]

Day 4-8 Cycle 2

Note: I'm still keeping daily private journals but I've decided to do more of a weekly or per cycle summary update here. I think it gets kind of monotonous posting "nothing major happened" or similar every day. Most days it's just notes for myself.

It did feel like it took the first few days of the cycle to get back "up to speed" from the off cycle. Well I'd have to say days 4-5 feels like the program has only been maybe 50% as effective as the first cycle. I was barely productive compared to the first cycle. Days 6-8 I had almost no desire to even play the program and in fact even had debates with myself about playing it, but I did. I did get some insight into this, and I'll write it at the end. Days 6-8 I was easily able to talk myself out of staying focused. I feel like old me again. Everything that I think of that I want to do or need to do sounds boring (see the meme quotes I posted above); so I don't do anything. Everything evaporated again. I wasted a lot of time these last three days looking at absolutely pointless things on google maps and watching pointless videos on youtube, wasting time scrolling through Reddit reading about trivial things. I told myself I need to complete my coursework and work on other projects and then immediately thought "it's too boring or not interesting" and so I didn't. But it's no problem to spend hours watching stupid videos that don't do anything for me...

I feel tired but not as tired as I was at the end of the first cycle. Sleep wasn't a problem at all this cycle though. I fell asleep with no problem and had normal sleeping hours so I was really happy about that. I haven't changed anything about how I play the program. Playing it as I'm falling asleep, four loops. Daily taking two tsp of fish oil and a vitamin B supplement.

I'll be honest. Right now I'm not convinced this program is a viable option for me for my long term treatment of my ADHD. And I know there is no claim or anything that it can be one. I have hopes that it is though, and it was my choice to give it a try. After how it's been the last three days, I'm not sure. But I'll continue on and see. There is something subtly different though overall and in general like I wrote about before. So that gives me hope.

Insight : There is a very strong chance that I can be experiencing some major resistance to the side effect of success and accomplishment that I've achieved the first cycle. I've struggled with a "fear of success" mentality my whole life. And as I've worked through the first cycle and enjoyed getting things done and feeling for the first time like my life was mine and I was taking control of it; these fears can come in and sabotage everything. So what to do about that? One thing at a time I guess.