11-02-2021, 10:10 PM
Last week after going to a gathering I was in bed thinking about how strongly 'Alpha' my mindset was becoming, and comparing it to the general mindset going around especially at the moment. So that's good..
Until the fucking sabotage kept coming up against that straight after and half the night whenever I woke up.
Since then i've been feeling weaker, a bit more submissive and it's like my 'nice guy tendencies' are becoming more obvious to me and I started reading a book 'Not Nice' that's good so far. I'm guessing OF guided me to that.
Interestingly one thing I identified with the written exercises from it is that I fear upsetting attractive girls, then later that day in a store I got into conflict with 2 workers simply because I said 'no' to bs they're trying to make people do as i've mentioned a few times, I rarely have issues but this place is known for it. I stayed calm and just kept saying 'no' and walked off and got the item I wanted. The second one served me and kept going on about it, and I calmly stated I do not have to do what she's asking basically.
Other than that kind of feeling weird, like some things I maybe 'should' be angry at but i'm just not able to bring it up. In saying that I was happy that I was calm in the conflict and didn't overreact with anger like I do sometimes, at first I was shaking a little but when I went back to get served I was okay again. So I wonder if some of the anger is due to fear. Maybe partly but it also partly feels like something is being suppressed or worked through.
I haven't wanted to go onto UMS v2 as a few times in the last few weeks i've felt like something big has been being worked on and didn't want to interrupt it. But it's becoming more obvious that this might be a necessity as things are getting worse here, including it being made very difficult to make a normal income for some people who refuse to be manipulated. So the only option is expanding on my own business efforts.
I have also noticed that since I lost around half my income in the last few weeks I suddenly spent more than usual, maybe some weird fearful response to it. Today i've almost decided i'll go onto UMS v2 out of necessity. It's about 3 1/2 months into OF V3, but another 3 months with the rate things are going i'm not sure if it's going to be to my advantage to not really start working on this.
I'm noticing good things on OF that i'm afraid of losing if I stop it and go onto UMS due to a different focus. I'm enjoying some of the progress.
But I admit my motivation for my own business projects still isn't there and ignoring that likely isn't wise right now. 3rd round of muscle testing, a week between each again says "Do UMS V2".
Until the fucking sabotage kept coming up against that straight after and half the night whenever I woke up.
Since then i've been feeling weaker, a bit more submissive and it's like my 'nice guy tendencies' are becoming more obvious to me and I started reading a book 'Not Nice' that's good so far. I'm guessing OF guided me to that.
Interestingly one thing I identified with the written exercises from it is that I fear upsetting attractive girls, then later that day in a store I got into conflict with 2 workers simply because I said 'no' to bs they're trying to make people do as i've mentioned a few times, I rarely have issues but this place is known for it. I stayed calm and just kept saying 'no' and walked off and got the item I wanted. The second one served me and kept going on about it, and I calmly stated I do not have to do what she's asking basically.
Other than that kind of feeling weird, like some things I maybe 'should' be angry at but i'm just not able to bring it up. In saying that I was happy that I was calm in the conflict and didn't overreact with anger like I do sometimes, at first I was shaking a little but when I went back to get served I was okay again. So I wonder if some of the anger is due to fear. Maybe partly but it also partly feels like something is being suppressed or worked through.
I haven't wanted to go onto UMS v2 as a few times in the last few weeks i've felt like something big has been being worked on and didn't want to interrupt it. But it's becoming more obvious that this might be a necessity as things are getting worse here, including it being made very difficult to make a normal income for some people who refuse to be manipulated. So the only option is expanding on my own business efforts.
I have also noticed that since I lost around half my income in the last few weeks I suddenly spent more than usual, maybe some weird fearful response to it. Today i've almost decided i'll go onto UMS v2 out of necessity. It's about 3 1/2 months into OF V3, but another 3 months with the rate things are going i'm not sure if it's going to be to my advantage to not really start working on this.
I'm noticing good things on OF that i'm afraid of losing if I stop it and go onto UMS due to a different focus. I'm enjoying some of the progress.
But I admit my motivation for my own business projects still isn't there and ignoring that likely isn't wise right now. 3rd round of muscle testing, a week between each again says "Do UMS V2".
