10-24-2021, 01:35 AM
So had a pretty big 'snapback' where the last few days I really felt like everything from OF disappeared and I was getting pissed off and I always start to blame other things and get pissed off "fuck I wish I didn't do that" and it's likely my mind is trying to blame these things to try to give me a good reason where it might be just my own resistance.
A woman i'm friends with well meaningly did some energy healing on our group remotely to help deal with stress going on at the moment. But I was annoyed because I wasn't sure if it conflicted with what OF is doing.
I'll explain the leadup to the 'snapback'.
Have a gathering each weekend, a new girl rocked up like 4 weeks ago. I started talking to her, ended up hugging her and she seemed pretty attracted after that. Then next time talked more, said "wanna come and see (something in my car)" and showed her and talked to her more. Then walked her to her car when she was leaving and she was joking about a secret handshake and kind of holding onto my hand. She was throwing every signal, like preening me a bit, flirting and everything. I got her number, and when I messaged her she had some bs excuse about why she couldn't go out.
Then I was like "nah she's definately attracted" and last weekend I continued, she gave me a big wave when I was talking to others like she wanted my attention, just poked my tongue out and eventually went to talk to her, alot more flirting, suggestiveness and she ate up my flirting. Walked to her car, asked what she was doing through the week, lets do something and 'no probably not'.
So I thought about it and decided she's just attention whoring and seems to get off on the attention of the other guys, and i'd tried twice so i'm not going to continue. Today I just ignored her completely, made no effort to try to talk to her because of her bullshit games.
But the distinction is how I was going for it, flirting with her and such in ways I haven't for ages, so something around fear shifted.
Then through the week last week I went for a walk down the street, this cute girl was walking towards me and when I got close she let out a loud giggle that was the most obvious attempt to get my attention than I ever remember. I said something and she walked a few more steps and turned around all smiley and we started talking. Lots of giggling, she was definately attracted. in the end I asked how old she is, 19 and got her number. Hugged her but even though i'd touched her a bit and she was all comfortable the hug seemed to make her a bit uncomfortable and I got the impression she's a bit inexperienced and such. I decided i'd message her the next day but unfortunately she didn't answer.
Well then all the resistance and 'snapback' come back. Tons of insecurities, emotional intensity. Feeling weak in myself, insecure, submissive and such. This started to come up the night I got her number and reminds me of times in the past the exact type of girls I want are attracted to me and then all this fear and sabotage would come up and somehow ruin it. It's almost like all my thoughts and such energetically ruin it.
Went to a gathering with friends a few nights ago and just felt weirdly awkward and was annoyed with myself. Then last night had the urge to go from 3 loops to 8 but at a low volume, slept longer than usual as i'd had a few late nights and felt better today.
Went to 2 gatherings today and felt allright, but it really kicked in on the second gathering. As in I felt much better again, social, going between groups and chatting etc.
First some more context.
Was talking to a girl on bumble maybe a 1-2 months ago. She was sending quite long messages and keen. I asked her out and she didn't reply, then later in the week I messaged again and she's like "i'm sorry for being so flaky, I had a bad week" and told me all this stuff, and I gave another chance, then stopped replying again.. 3 or so days later in the morning suddenly "are you free today, I know it's short notice" and I got annoyed like "does she fucking think i'm just going to instantly drop everything and do that" and ignored the message.
Then maybe 3 weeks later, last week messaged her again.. asked her out again and she was busy that weekend which is fine.. but the issue is whereas at first quickly replied she took like a whole day to reply. So I had enough information as it had happened enough, I hesitated but i've been realizing these girls need to be held to account even if it's for the next guy. I turn my phone off before bed so can't check, but I said something like "I've seen enough evidence of this pattern of flakiness, so this isn't going to workout" and she sent back "oh but I offered a meetup 3 weeks ago".
Anyway, the gathering I went to tonight she randomly showed up. I wasn't sure if it was her but I went over to the group, funny she kind of was ignoring me but her friend who I assumed they gossiped about it cos she gave me a big smile and a hi and was talking to me, her friends were really friendly, laughing and such but she seemed to be continually trying to ignore me. I just kind of talked to her to be nice, not really with any intention. But after she kept doing it I realized "fuck this, i'm not going to bother" and everyone, including other girls I was talking to were all happy and laughing.. so it's her own bullshit.
And here's the kicker. We all know how girls have great photos on dating sites that don't make them look really fat.
Yep, she was MUCH fatter than I ever expected. Had I showed up to meetup with her I would have been like "what the fuck". And she thinks she can pull that kind of shit when she's bringing that to the table and not even having honest photos.
Anyway, seems that when resistance hits me the hardest is when I really feel like "fuck, everything from the program has disappeared, it's like it's done nothing" and I get convinced of it almost every time i'm in the middle of it.
Though I was talking to other new women today, it wasn't flirty in the same way.. so I can see that after those 2 I mentioned and me opening up and being more flirty again that fear has come up and sent that back a bit due to fear.
A woman i'm friends with well meaningly did some energy healing on our group remotely to help deal with stress going on at the moment. But I was annoyed because I wasn't sure if it conflicted with what OF is doing.
I'll explain the leadup to the 'snapback'.
Have a gathering each weekend, a new girl rocked up like 4 weeks ago. I started talking to her, ended up hugging her and she seemed pretty attracted after that. Then next time talked more, said "wanna come and see (something in my car)" and showed her and talked to her more. Then walked her to her car when she was leaving and she was joking about a secret handshake and kind of holding onto my hand. She was throwing every signal, like preening me a bit, flirting and everything. I got her number, and when I messaged her she had some bs excuse about why she couldn't go out.
Then I was like "nah she's definately attracted" and last weekend I continued, she gave me a big wave when I was talking to others like she wanted my attention, just poked my tongue out and eventually went to talk to her, alot more flirting, suggestiveness and she ate up my flirting. Walked to her car, asked what she was doing through the week, lets do something and 'no probably not'.
So I thought about it and decided she's just attention whoring and seems to get off on the attention of the other guys, and i'd tried twice so i'm not going to continue. Today I just ignored her completely, made no effort to try to talk to her because of her bullshit games.
But the distinction is how I was going for it, flirting with her and such in ways I haven't for ages, so something around fear shifted.
Then through the week last week I went for a walk down the street, this cute girl was walking towards me and when I got close she let out a loud giggle that was the most obvious attempt to get my attention than I ever remember. I said something and she walked a few more steps and turned around all smiley and we started talking. Lots of giggling, she was definately attracted. in the end I asked how old she is, 19 and got her number. Hugged her but even though i'd touched her a bit and she was all comfortable the hug seemed to make her a bit uncomfortable and I got the impression she's a bit inexperienced and such. I decided i'd message her the next day but unfortunately she didn't answer.
Well then all the resistance and 'snapback' come back. Tons of insecurities, emotional intensity. Feeling weak in myself, insecure, submissive and such. This started to come up the night I got her number and reminds me of times in the past the exact type of girls I want are attracted to me and then all this fear and sabotage would come up and somehow ruin it. It's almost like all my thoughts and such energetically ruin it.
Went to a gathering with friends a few nights ago and just felt weirdly awkward and was annoyed with myself. Then last night had the urge to go from 3 loops to 8 but at a low volume, slept longer than usual as i'd had a few late nights and felt better today.
Went to 2 gatherings today and felt allright, but it really kicked in on the second gathering. As in I felt much better again, social, going between groups and chatting etc.
First some more context.
Was talking to a girl on bumble maybe a 1-2 months ago. She was sending quite long messages and keen. I asked her out and she didn't reply, then later in the week I messaged again and she's like "i'm sorry for being so flaky, I had a bad week" and told me all this stuff, and I gave another chance, then stopped replying again.. 3 or so days later in the morning suddenly "are you free today, I know it's short notice" and I got annoyed like "does she fucking think i'm just going to instantly drop everything and do that" and ignored the message.
Then maybe 3 weeks later, last week messaged her again.. asked her out again and she was busy that weekend which is fine.. but the issue is whereas at first quickly replied she took like a whole day to reply. So I had enough information as it had happened enough, I hesitated but i've been realizing these girls need to be held to account even if it's for the next guy. I turn my phone off before bed so can't check, but I said something like "I've seen enough evidence of this pattern of flakiness, so this isn't going to workout" and she sent back "oh but I offered a meetup 3 weeks ago".
Anyway, the gathering I went to tonight she randomly showed up. I wasn't sure if it was her but I went over to the group, funny she kind of was ignoring me but her friend who I assumed they gossiped about it cos she gave me a big smile and a hi and was talking to me, her friends were really friendly, laughing and such but she seemed to be continually trying to ignore me. I just kind of talked to her to be nice, not really with any intention. But after she kept doing it I realized "fuck this, i'm not going to bother" and everyone, including other girls I was talking to were all happy and laughing.. so it's her own bullshit.
And here's the kicker. We all know how girls have great photos on dating sites that don't make them look really fat.
Yep, she was MUCH fatter than I ever expected. Had I showed up to meetup with her I would have been like "what the fuck". And she thinks she can pull that kind of shit when she's bringing that to the table and not even having honest photos.
Anyway, seems that when resistance hits me the hardest is when I really feel like "fuck, everything from the program has disappeared, it's like it's done nothing" and I get convinced of it almost every time i'm in the middle of it.
Though I was talking to other new women today, it wasn't flirty in the same way.. so I can see that after those 2 I mentioned and me opening up and being more flirty again that fear has come up and sent that back a bit due to fear.
