08-28-2021, 02:39 AM
I'll try to update though I feel like a zombie right now.
I realized that hybrid is a bit too harsh for me, especially when i'm having too much coming up. Maybe 3 or 4 days ago I listened to it and by the end started downloading some adult games, played them for literally hours and then downloaded some porn videos. If that wasn't enough I played the games a bit the next day and downloaded some more videos.
I know logically this both drains my desire to 'go out and do things' basically and takes me further away from women plus makes me awkward around them. And also makes my energy partly repulsive for a while. But yeah this isn't logical. That's the strongest this has been triggered for a while other than the first time I used hybrid OF.. this time it triggered more.
Today hung out with some friends, felt a bit strange a few times.. not fully comfortable or totally 'there' but at the same time relatively comfortable in the face of bs going on around us and not buying into it.
Definately a night off tonight, feeling overwhelmed.
But this is interesting. I muscle tested and it told me to lessen my amount of listening. From 8 loops back down to 3 a night.
I went further for clarification and the answer I got is "You've pushed things enough and need to dial it back to give time and space to process".
In my head is Shannon saying "If it tells you to listen less than it may be resistance" though I also remember "If it's less than the original instructions of listening" so it may be okay.
But following the feeling that it feels right that I do need to dial it back a bit now to let some of it express makes sense.
Other than that it still remains to be very subtle so I don't know what to say. Little things like deciding to goto checkouts to get served instead of self serve, and chatting a little bit to the girls serving me, not as much as years ago but improved as to recent times.
I realized that hybrid is a bit too harsh for me, especially when i'm having too much coming up. Maybe 3 or 4 days ago I listened to it and by the end started downloading some adult games, played them for literally hours and then downloaded some porn videos. If that wasn't enough I played the games a bit the next day and downloaded some more videos.
I know logically this both drains my desire to 'go out and do things' basically and takes me further away from women plus makes me awkward around them. And also makes my energy partly repulsive for a while. But yeah this isn't logical. That's the strongest this has been triggered for a while other than the first time I used hybrid OF.. this time it triggered more.
Today hung out with some friends, felt a bit strange a few times.. not fully comfortable or totally 'there' but at the same time relatively comfortable in the face of bs going on around us and not buying into it.
Definately a night off tonight, feeling overwhelmed.
But this is interesting. I muscle tested and it told me to lessen my amount of listening. From 8 loops back down to 3 a night.
I went further for clarification and the answer I got is "You've pushed things enough and need to dial it back to give time and space to process".
In my head is Shannon saying "If it tells you to listen less than it may be resistance" though I also remember "If it's less than the original instructions of listening" so it may be okay.
But following the feeling that it feels right that I do need to dial it back a bit now to let some of it express makes sense.
Other than that it still remains to be very subtle so I don't know what to say. Little things like deciding to goto checkouts to get served instead of self serve, and chatting a little bit to the girls serving me, not as much as years ago but improved as to recent times.
