08-18-2021, 01:45 AM
Things are fairly weird right now. Not a huge desire to do alot of things, but it's different. Emotions aren't that intense but occasionally a flash of anger comes up like I want to just get really angry and explode at something, but it just comes up slightly and I can't access it fully. In the past when I get 'resistance' i'd usually just want to play games, but that kind of seems boring right now even. I'm getting urges of just going out somewhere and staying for hours and just getting lost basically.
Having an urge to do something on the weekend that I hadn't in the past due to fear, thinking of doing it but fear coming up, mainly fear of not being able to cope, and a few other fears. It does carry some risk, but is something that I need to do at some point.
The other weird thing is i'm constantly getting the urge to listen, I think it's been 3 or 4 nights on, last 2 nights of 8 loops and I still feel like listening. I did 1 hybrid ocean surf earlier on headphones, and i've suddenly got the strong urge to listen again so i've put it on again on my computer speakers. I have this urge that I should just listen over and over non stop. As soon as I put it on tonight I relaxed after feeling antsy and weird.
Logically it's too much listening, but the urge to listen more and more, combined with the fact that when I started listening I immediately relaxed.. says maybe it's not too much listening. On headphones with hybrid it doesn't relax me, on speakers it did.. so maybe headphones is a bit too strong for me.
Having an urge to do something on the weekend that I hadn't in the past due to fear, thinking of doing it but fear coming up, mainly fear of not being able to cope, and a few other fears. It does carry some risk, but is something that I need to do at some point.
The other weird thing is i'm constantly getting the urge to listen, I think it's been 3 or 4 nights on, last 2 nights of 8 loops and I still feel like listening. I did 1 hybrid ocean surf earlier on headphones, and i've suddenly got the strong urge to listen again so i've put it on again on my computer speakers. I have this urge that I should just listen over and over non stop. As soon as I put it on tonight I relaxed after feeling antsy and weird.
Logically it's too much listening, but the urge to listen more and more, combined with the fact that when I started listening I immediately relaxed.. says maybe it's not too much listening. On headphones with hybrid it doesn't relax me, on speakers it did.. so maybe headphones is a bit too strong for me.
