(08-16-2021, 09:17 PM)Benjamin Wrote: Had the urge to increase loops, so now from 6 to 8 loops of ultrasonic at night.
I woke up this morning with more energy somehow, and feeling pretty good. I went down the street to some shops as i've not been doing so as much and felt more anxious.. so I guess the 8 loops is stirring something up.
But strangely despite that there was some things happening. In one shop a staff member was attempting to push some bs I don't agree with, and I basically just was calm, shut it down and ended up chatting to her briefly. Then after that I was looking around the shop and another woman come up to me saying " I was listening to your conversation, and you really disarmed her" and chatted to me a bit. I thought she worked there and meant that the other woman was usually difficult to customers but turns out she didn't.
And yeah it sounds good a random woman coming up to chat to me.. but she was old.
In another shop a woman that goes to toastmasters had started working there. I mentioned I started training some martial arts again and she asked for my card, like wanting to learn. And I just said "Nah I don't have a card" and "I think i'd want to do it a bit longer again before I teach others, but you can come along if you want" though now I realize I didn't really mean it, because it would take away from my and my friends training and i'd have to water it down.
But when I left I realized it may have been an excuse to get my number. I was totally oblivious to that at the time. I have seen some occasional looks she has given me across the room before. Though she smokes with is now an automatic no for me.
Mainly the whole time in shops I felt weirdly anxious. I had a thought in the middle of it 'it's almost like it's in the air' which it kind of is in recent times.. but then I realized "no, really it's my projection of how i'm feeilng.. even if it might kind of be in the air, if i'm feeling totally comfortable then that basically discharges it around me".
Since i've got home i'm struggling. First thing is i've been feeilng strangely hungry like I just want to eat random things, which I feel is a sign of something emotional being triggered. And I also really, really want to look at porn.
Which will do nothing but make me feel like shit and regret it, but knowing that logically isn't making it any less tempting. I decided to put a look of OF on and just breathe and sit with it. I've got used to hybrid again through the day after I listened the first time and then went on a porn spree and was scared to use it again for a few weeks.
Still it doesn't seem to relax me like ocean surf does.
Be careful to not reject women accidently due to subconscious fear, or just being oblivious,
I've literally had a woman suggest we go back to my house "for an hour" (she had to go somewhere after our 8 hour date that we had at a sushi restaurant we were drinking) she was one of the most beautiful woman I've ever been on a date with this was back when I was like 21 or 22, I said no, maybe due to fear, I think it was fear.
But also just being stupid. Looking back now that was one of my biggest regrets. I'm curious to how things would have played out if she did come back. She was gorgeous & I was sexually inexperienced at the time.
You probably attract allot more women then you realize.
Nice to see the subliminal working well on you
