Day 80/180 ON #1- Fri 6 August - *Hybrid 4 loops cycle 2*
1) Had dream of that girl I had oneitis for. No idea why I've dreamt of her or how this is related to fear.
2) Tired. Woke tired and have been feeling tired most of the day so far.
As mentioned somewhere in the past posts for me dreams have shows the sub is doing something and Shannon has said being tired indicates also thus these 2 means the sub at 4 hybrid loops is doing something
3) Apprehension and fear are there. I have minor things to do all around career such as working on my cv/resume and then contacting organisations for work shadow/experience but its all leading to anxiety. The more I think about it the more I feel it but I have to remind myself as I mentioned in a previous post, something I learnt from a website...
that "this fear wont kill me, I will and can survive it so ignore the feeling and just get started" - and aah that's made me feel better and given me a light shift.
4) Something I have only just remembered was when I was out going for the exam I felt insecure of how I looked. At 1 moment (cant recall if it was in the morning when I got dressed or at some point later in the day) but I saw myself in a mirror and became conscious of my appearance, I was judging myself and that visual image stayed in my mind popping up at random moments during the 3-4hours I was out, ie: left home went to exam walked around uni finding professors for other stuff and then finally home.
5) So far its been 11 consecutive days of studying of some form and manner which for me is a truly unbelievable achievement considering I have no immediate exams related to what I am studying. Im basically trying to learn the basics as well as things I SHOULD know but do not so a google search gives me the meanings and factoids or concepts related to that nugget of information and I then go about understanding and learning it. I am being a skeptic and putting this down to the fact that I have a deadline of trying to learn all I can before I start working and thus that's the impetus but its good enough coupled with the gamification of studying has made it some what easier. Last few days as mentioned earlier I think have been harder in terms of mood and motivation but I know if I miss a day I will mess up the algorithm of the software I'm using so so far its a win
my thoughts: without going over my journal again I think my sweet spot may be the 4 US loops or this current 4 Hybrid loops. I hope it is as its taken a while to get here so lets see.
1) Had dream of that girl I had oneitis for. No idea why I've dreamt of her or how this is related to fear.
2) Tired. Woke tired and have been feeling tired most of the day so far.
As mentioned somewhere in the past posts for me dreams have shows the sub is doing something and Shannon has said being tired indicates also thus these 2 means the sub at 4 hybrid loops is doing something
3) Apprehension and fear are there. I have minor things to do all around career such as working on my cv/resume and then contacting organisations for work shadow/experience but its all leading to anxiety. The more I think about it the more I feel it but I have to remind myself as I mentioned in a previous post, something I learnt from a website...
that "this fear wont kill me, I will and can survive it so ignore the feeling and just get started" - and aah that's made me feel better and given me a light shift.
4) Something I have only just remembered was when I was out going for the exam I felt insecure of how I looked. At 1 moment (cant recall if it was in the morning when I got dressed or at some point later in the day) but I saw myself in a mirror and became conscious of my appearance, I was judging myself and that visual image stayed in my mind popping up at random moments during the 3-4hours I was out, ie: left home went to exam walked around uni finding professors for other stuff and then finally home.
5) So far its been 11 consecutive days of studying of some form and manner which for me is a truly unbelievable achievement considering I have no immediate exams related to what I am studying. Im basically trying to learn the basics as well as things I SHOULD know but do not so a google search gives me the meanings and factoids or concepts related to that nugget of information and I then go about understanding and learning it. I am being a skeptic and putting this down to the fact that I have a deadline of trying to learn all I can before I start working and thus that's the impetus but its good enough coupled with the gamification of studying has made it some what easier. Last few days as mentioned earlier I think have been harder in terms of mood and motivation but I know if I miss a day I will mess up the algorithm of the software I'm using so so far its a win
my thoughts: without going over my journal again I think my sweet spot may be the 4 US loops or this current 4 Hybrid loops. I hope it is as its taken a while to get here so lets see.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
