This is strange, on LTU conflict was minimized.. on OF it almost seems to be bringing more conflict on.
Went down the street and seen a friend in the supermarket. I notice when i'm around a friend who is more open that it makes me open up a bit. Like he was saying hi to people and we were chatting to staff that served us and even other people talking to us and responding well.
So I see this as what I mentioned yesterday, something shifting around the fear that's creating a 'wall' between me and others.
But.. there's possibly the other side. Where usually I don't have many issues, it seems that partly this opening up that gets people talking to me positively more also possibly brings more conflict where I wouldn't have got it before because maybe I was a bit more 'invisible' before. This is just my theory so far.
At the other supermarket was chatting to the checkout woman, she was all happy and some dude in the line seemed upset and just started having a go at us. I really had no urge at all to cater to this person and I was very direct, and just gave it back to him as he was instantly being a massive dickhead. In the end just got my money and left.
And we sat down somewhere after that and even still seemed to draw people in, some guy come slowly past us going somewhere for a cigarette like he was wanting to chat and talked to him briefly.
Actually i've just realized now that this kind of thing is exactly what has shut me down in the past. First sometimes say on DMSI i'd start getting more attention and even though I want it fear would shut it down and i'd close off.
But then there's also the thing where in the past i've been feeling confident, open, magnetic, people talking to me and such and then suddenly somebody would have a go at me. This has happened a few times over the years, it's like it triggers something in idiots and makes them attack you, because we were not projecting any kind of bad energy, everyone we talked to was happy and smiling and happy to talk to us.. then suddenly this idiot appears.
It's almost like they hate themselves so much that they see somebody happy and social and want to attack them for doing so and find another reason to do so.
After these situations I tend to open up more temporarily and feel like something has been purged when I give it back to these people.. then usually fear comes in after that and makes me shut down more. I hope with OF to avoid the second 'shutdown' part happening, and to get to a point of opening up and having these good interactions in people without attracting the conflict.
It reminds me of something on AM a few years ago that i've noticed and Shannon has talked about. Sometimes you're getting a bit of a shift and starting to 'communicate' something different in your manner but you're not totally comfortable with it, so some people might attack you for it until you adjust to it.
Is it also possible that certain people are triggered to become irrational when around somebody who has alot less fear than they do?
I have a fear of this happening again, and when it has in the past it's made me stay home more. So I also hope to get over that fear and be like 'If it happens it happens'. But I feel as i'm more comfortable with what OF is doing that it will lessen, I hope.
Went down the street and seen a friend in the supermarket. I notice when i'm around a friend who is more open that it makes me open up a bit. Like he was saying hi to people and we were chatting to staff that served us and even other people talking to us and responding well.
So I see this as what I mentioned yesterday, something shifting around the fear that's creating a 'wall' between me and others.
But.. there's possibly the other side. Where usually I don't have many issues, it seems that partly this opening up that gets people talking to me positively more also possibly brings more conflict where I wouldn't have got it before because maybe I was a bit more 'invisible' before. This is just my theory so far.
At the other supermarket was chatting to the checkout woman, she was all happy and some dude in the line seemed upset and just started having a go at us. I really had no urge at all to cater to this person and I was very direct, and just gave it back to him as he was instantly being a massive dickhead. In the end just got my money and left.
And we sat down somewhere after that and even still seemed to draw people in, some guy come slowly past us going somewhere for a cigarette like he was wanting to chat and talked to him briefly.
Actually i've just realized now that this kind of thing is exactly what has shut me down in the past. First sometimes say on DMSI i'd start getting more attention and even though I want it fear would shut it down and i'd close off.
But then there's also the thing where in the past i've been feeling confident, open, magnetic, people talking to me and such and then suddenly somebody would have a go at me. This has happened a few times over the years, it's like it triggers something in idiots and makes them attack you, because we were not projecting any kind of bad energy, everyone we talked to was happy and smiling and happy to talk to us.. then suddenly this idiot appears.
It's almost like they hate themselves so much that they see somebody happy and social and want to attack them for doing so and find another reason to do so.
After these situations I tend to open up more temporarily and feel like something has been purged when I give it back to these people.. then usually fear comes in after that and makes me shut down more. I hope with OF to avoid the second 'shutdown' part happening, and to get to a point of opening up and having these good interactions in people without attracting the conflict.
It reminds me of something on AM a few years ago that i've noticed and Shannon has talked about. Sometimes you're getting a bit of a shift and starting to 'communicate' something different in your manner but you're not totally comfortable with it, so some people might attack you for it until you adjust to it.
Is it also possible that certain people are triggered to become irrational when around somebody who has alot less fear than they do?
I have a fear of this happening again, and when it has in the past it's made me stay home more. So I also hope to get over that fear and be like 'If it happens it happens'. But I feel as i'm more comfortable with what OF is doing that it will lessen, I hope.
