Eh.. so after listening to hybrid I kind of couldn't stop myself and went on a spree.. looking at porn several times. Normal ocean surf seemed to relax me and relax the urge. Hybrid ocean surf didn't relax me and triggered the desire more.
I'm not sure what to make of that, whether it means hybrid has hit upon something deeper so is better because ocean surf wasn't going deep enough, or that I should stick to ocean surf when I listen through the day.
The crazy thing is I feel much better today, but after a few days usually feel worse and regret it. Plus I notice that my energy seems to be a bit repulsive to people after and I just feel weak in myself.
The problem is when my sex drive builds up I get tons of frustration and kind of obsessive, like thinking that I just have to have sex and standards going down and in the past i'd have sex with someone yuck then really regret it, plus some dark thoughts.. then eventually it leads to looking at porn and feeling better the day after but then worse after that.
And now that obsessiveness is gone and I feel like I can think about something else again, until I feel like shit alot more a few days later.. frustrating cycle.
Don't remember any dreams from the last few nights. I'm liking my sleep being better on this though. This morning I got up a bit after 7am which is unusual too.
I'm not sure what to make of that, whether it means hybrid has hit upon something deeper so is better because ocean surf wasn't going deep enough, or that I should stick to ocean surf when I listen through the day.
The crazy thing is I feel much better today, but after a few days usually feel worse and regret it. Plus I notice that my energy seems to be a bit repulsive to people after and I just feel weak in myself.
The problem is when my sex drive builds up I get tons of frustration and kind of obsessive, like thinking that I just have to have sex and standards going down and in the past i'd have sex with someone yuck then really regret it, plus some dark thoughts.. then eventually it leads to looking at porn and feeling better the day after but then worse after that.
And now that obsessiveness is gone and I feel like I can think about something else again, until I feel like shit alot more a few days later.. frustrating cycle.
Don't remember any dreams from the last few nights. I'm liking my sleep being better on this though. This morning I got up a bit after 7am which is unusual too.
