I'm surprised how much the loops have ramped up.
Yesterday after that 1 loop of ocean surf a bit later I had this strong urge to do another loop. Then when I went to bed I did 6 loops of ultrasonic. I was expecting to wake up like a zombie, but I felt relatively good. Actually almost got up like 2 hours earlier but decided it was a bit early and went back to sleep.
I think I let fear get in the way of an opportunity as I was having conflicted thoughts either way.
At the moment it's difficult to meet women as most things aren't on at all. There's a few women in my friendship group now but i'm not attracted to any of them. Well a few days ago a woman come up to us due to something we were doing and was all happy and we invited her to a gathering we were doing the next day and she was happy about it. Everyone else left and I chatted to her a little more, she was pretty cute.
Then in the morning I felt drained and tired and it was pretty cold. I half wanted to go mainly for her, but then thought 'nah, don't go just for her, my health is more important and I need rest' and I went back to sleep and didn't go. Then I had a thought that maybe it was partly fear, like fear of rejection and not being able to flirt with her because of fear, looking like an idiot etc.
I just had this thought all of a sudden before.. 'What if part of her reason for going was also hoping I would be there, but I didn't end up going'.
Anyway sitting here, same old coping mechanisms coming up that would during past programs.. wanting to distract myself. The difference is again when this is happening the urge to listen gets stronger. So again x1 listen of Ocean Surf. I had the thought to goto hybrid but not sure if I should yet.
Frustration around girls is getting stronger, making it worse that there's no good place to meet them. Generally this would lead to me wanting to look at porn, the urge is coming up.
But no.. a loop of OF instead. Which makes for interesting sentence structure.
Yesterday after that 1 loop of ocean surf a bit later I had this strong urge to do another loop. Then when I went to bed I did 6 loops of ultrasonic. I was expecting to wake up like a zombie, but I felt relatively good. Actually almost got up like 2 hours earlier but decided it was a bit early and went back to sleep.
I think I let fear get in the way of an opportunity as I was having conflicted thoughts either way.
At the moment it's difficult to meet women as most things aren't on at all. There's a few women in my friendship group now but i'm not attracted to any of them. Well a few days ago a woman come up to us due to something we were doing and was all happy and we invited her to a gathering we were doing the next day and she was happy about it. Everyone else left and I chatted to her a little more, she was pretty cute.
Then in the morning I felt drained and tired and it was pretty cold. I half wanted to go mainly for her, but then thought 'nah, don't go just for her, my health is more important and I need rest' and I went back to sleep and didn't go. Then I had a thought that maybe it was partly fear, like fear of rejection and not being able to flirt with her because of fear, looking like an idiot etc.
I just had this thought all of a sudden before.. 'What if part of her reason for going was also hoping I would be there, but I didn't end up going'.
Anyway sitting here, same old coping mechanisms coming up that would during past programs.. wanting to distract myself. The difference is again when this is happening the urge to listen gets stronger. So again x1 listen of Ocean Surf. I had the thought to goto hybrid but not sure if I should yet.
Frustration around girls is getting stronger, making it worse that there's no good place to meet them. Generally this would lead to me wanting to look at porn, the urge is coming up.
But no.. a loop of OF instead. Which makes for interesting sentence structure.
