Feeling like shit today, but alot of that can be attributed to doing a liver flush. I almost didn't do it thinking it might be too much with just starting OF but then I realized that's partly fear, because the flushes aren't exactly fun.
Can't remember dreams from last night, I didn't sleep much and I was dosed up on stuff for the flush. I do remember though that as soon as I turned OF on my mind was in a struggle between this 'sabotage' trying to get rid of things, and OF trying to stop that sabotage.
Usually I try to consciously stop this sabotage from happening and can to a certain extent, what was happening last night seemed to be this happening faster and pulling from both directions.
My body was all tensed up and this struggle went on for a while and then I noticed a relaxation go through my body and I seemed to come 'down' and relax a bit and my mind went a bit quieter.
I've been thinking alot about girls in the past. And a weird uncertainty about certain things, like I really don't want girls who smoke then the thought come up like 'Is it better than just being lonely?' or 'is this fear of smoking?' but then 'no, actually i'd rather be alone than always be around someone who will damage my health with smoking'. But my mind jumping around between all of these.
And a little uncertainty about some other things in a similar way. With other subliminals it's more obvious for me what's going on especially the first few days. With this, I don't really know.
The best I can explain my impression of it is that other programs were almost like trying to stack something on top like 'oh yeah here's some confidence' but it feels kind of weird. Where OF is possibly 'I feel kind of normal, but there's a subtle sense of less of something that may have been there before, which may uncover who I want to be'.
I can't say i've had too much happen to say this, but subtle things are giving me this impression and if this is correct then I like it.
Today I really feel like not doing much. I really just want to play some games.
Ah my old coping mechanism again.
Can't remember dreams from last night, I didn't sleep much and I was dosed up on stuff for the flush. I do remember though that as soon as I turned OF on my mind was in a struggle between this 'sabotage' trying to get rid of things, and OF trying to stop that sabotage.
Usually I try to consciously stop this sabotage from happening and can to a certain extent, what was happening last night seemed to be this happening faster and pulling from both directions.
My body was all tensed up and this struggle went on for a while and then I noticed a relaxation go through my body and I seemed to come 'down' and relax a bit and my mind went a bit quieter.
I've been thinking alot about girls in the past. And a weird uncertainty about certain things, like I really don't want girls who smoke then the thought come up like 'Is it better than just being lonely?' or 'is this fear of smoking?' but then 'no, actually i'd rather be alone than always be around someone who will damage my health with smoking'. But my mind jumping around between all of these.
And a little uncertainty about some other things in a similar way. With other subliminals it's more obvious for me what's going on especially the first few days. With this, I don't really know.
The best I can explain my impression of it is that other programs were almost like trying to stack something on top like 'oh yeah here's some confidence' but it feels kind of weird. Where OF is possibly 'I feel kind of normal, but there's a subtle sense of less of something that may have been there before, which may uncover who I want to be'.
I can't say i've had too much happen to say this, but subtle things are giving me this impression and if this is correct then I like it.
Today I really feel like not doing much. I really just want to play some games.
Ah my old coping mechanism again.
