So first night of listening.
As soon as I turned it on I noticed things coming to mind, I can't actually remember now. But I have this weird sabotage thing i've mentioned in the past where my mind tries to get rid of results, mainly i'll start having them and when I notice then it will start doing it. I've not been able to fully solve it. Usually this doesn't happen straight away, but almost as soon as I started OF it was coming up, which actually says to me that OF is going deeper to hit upon it so quickly.
I also had a bit of a headache at one stage during the night. I woke up in the middle of the night with fear and anxiety around things I fear might happen if I stand up for what I believe in, almost like it's helping deal with the fears in the forefront of my mind right now.
I had 2 sex dreams with a woman i'm friends with. I've had a couple of thoughts of being with her, but can't say I really cared that much. But I had those dreams and I woke up thinking that my fear actually makes me suppress my sexual desires so much that I don't even feel like I have it sometimes, especially with women I know because the 'risk' is higher, like rejection or causing conflict in the friendship group and such.
I also had a dream about a rash i've had getting worse, that i've been dealing with for quite a while. Seems like there is a fear aspect to it if it's coming up.
The weird thing is I woke up this morning with a sore right hip. Since there's no physical explanation and i've done nothing to cause it, the only explanation is OF and a response to fear being processed. I wonder the symbology of the right hip.
Also I joined dating sites again like a week ago and alot of neediness coming up. Almost overnight I lost alot of interest in the women I was messaging, like the neediness partly coming from fear.. and knowing they aren't really the ideal women i'd like to be with.
Today, a few little things. Less reluctance to get into a cold shower which I started doing a week or two ago again. I do warm after and am building up the time.
Some calmness, but also a bit of a sore head and neck, also on the right side. I felt that I had less hesitation in doing my workout, where usually I may have left it longer after finishing doing some work, today I did it straight away.
Also a bit less urge to go on social media at the start of the day. This can be an issue as reading about alot of the craziness in the world can start off my day negatively. So it'd be good if that lessened more. I had this lessen alot during LTU but kind of got stuck in it again recently, like waking up and checking social media straight away when in bed. Not a good idea.
Notice the fear of a certain action I should take, and feeling like I 'just can't be bothered with the hassle' and how I know this is fear.
My last observation is how subtle and sneaky fear is. Like these things I am afraid of doing it's not like I think of them and feel heaps of fear or terror or anything.. most of the time it's just a feeling of being 'blocked' or 'numb' and just not really wanting to do it, 'I can't be bothered type feelings' but under those.. definately fear.
As soon as I turned it on I noticed things coming to mind, I can't actually remember now. But I have this weird sabotage thing i've mentioned in the past where my mind tries to get rid of results, mainly i'll start having them and when I notice then it will start doing it. I've not been able to fully solve it. Usually this doesn't happen straight away, but almost as soon as I started OF it was coming up, which actually says to me that OF is going deeper to hit upon it so quickly.
I also had a bit of a headache at one stage during the night. I woke up in the middle of the night with fear and anxiety around things I fear might happen if I stand up for what I believe in, almost like it's helping deal with the fears in the forefront of my mind right now.
I had 2 sex dreams with a woman i'm friends with. I've had a couple of thoughts of being with her, but can't say I really cared that much. But I had those dreams and I woke up thinking that my fear actually makes me suppress my sexual desires so much that I don't even feel like I have it sometimes, especially with women I know because the 'risk' is higher, like rejection or causing conflict in the friendship group and such.
I also had a dream about a rash i've had getting worse, that i've been dealing with for quite a while. Seems like there is a fear aspect to it if it's coming up.
The weird thing is I woke up this morning with a sore right hip. Since there's no physical explanation and i've done nothing to cause it, the only explanation is OF and a response to fear being processed. I wonder the symbology of the right hip.
Also I joined dating sites again like a week ago and alot of neediness coming up. Almost overnight I lost alot of interest in the women I was messaging, like the neediness partly coming from fear.. and knowing they aren't really the ideal women i'd like to be with.
Today, a few little things. Less reluctance to get into a cold shower which I started doing a week or two ago again. I do warm after and am building up the time.
Some calmness, but also a bit of a sore head and neck, also on the right side. I felt that I had less hesitation in doing my workout, where usually I may have left it longer after finishing doing some work, today I did it straight away.
Also a bit less urge to go on social media at the start of the day. This can be an issue as reading about alot of the craziness in the world can start off my day negatively. So it'd be good if that lessened more. I had this lessen alot during LTU but kind of got stuck in it again recently, like waking up and checking social media straight away when in bed. Not a good idea.
Notice the fear of a certain action I should take, and feeling like I 'just can't be bothered with the hassle' and how I know this is fear.
My last observation is how subtle and sneaky fear is. Like these things I am afraid of doing it's not like I think of them and feel heaps of fear or terror or anything.. most of the time it's just a feeling of being 'blocked' or 'numb' and just not really wanting to do it, 'I can't be bothered type feelings' but under those.. definately fear.
