Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Shannon]

Hey Shannon I wanted to ask quick question. I am at 1 month mark with my OF v3 run and i getting constant negative bad thoughts about my girlfriend. There was many negative things in our relationship but we solved everything but now Its getting harder. I cannot find one good thought about her. Its going to the point that I dont want to be with her anymore and everyfucking day I considering break up... I am getting a bit of resistance lately and maybe a little bit of overexposure. Should this be subconcious picking up something? Or my old fears coming up about if i can trust her and so on?  Should OF force me to do decisions? Its bringing me down. When i see a text message from her it pisses me off. Even when she says good loving things I am like I dont believe that shit... It never was like this . If you could shed some opinion I would be very happy because its starting to go over my head and emotions running wild. Thanks

OF won't force you to do anything.  It's there to remove fears only.  You do the rest.

What are your current usage patterns?  If you're getting resistance it sounds like you're not using it enough, instead of being overexposed, but I need to understand your current and recent usage better.

If this is to do with OF it could be a number of different things.  It might be touching on some fears of betrayal that are being worked on, and it could be uncovering the feelings you've hidden or held back out of fear of some sort, among many other possibilities.  I can't know for sure what this is.

What I suggest is that you not act rashly on these thoughts and feelings.  Understand what is causing these and where they are coming from, and what is going on before you act on them in a way you may later regret.  And communicate with her about what's going on in an honest way.  Basically, "I am having some emotional turmoil and I don't know what's going on yet, please bear with me while I sort this out."  I had to do that with my GF yesterday, when I was depressed and feeling hopeless without understanding why.  Not the same thing, but emotions are not rational and they tend, when given their head, to lead to outcomes that aren't always desirable.  So proceed with caution on how you respond, and don't do anything rash.

Let's have a look at how you have recently been using OF and how you are using it now and see what we can see.