**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

Day 32 ON - Saturday 19 June - ON#1

1) as you can see from the previous post I havent had any chance to update it as not had any chance to read my own journal. Just been very busy preparing for next exam and focusing on my sleep.

2) Today was the first day where I increased the intensity so incase you havent read above, today is the first day of 2 loops, 2 days on and 2 days off.

3) I couldnt sleep. I went to bed at 8pm, aimed to sleep by 9pm as per previous day. I was in and out of sleep. I doubt I went to deep sleep much but I was always coming back out of sleep however at the END OF THE 2 LOOPS, around 2hours and 15mins I woke up and checked my phone for the time and to see if the sub was still playing.

I needed a bathroom break twice during the night cant recall if this was the reason I woke up but it did make me wonder how it was significant that the loops end and then im awake..... hmmm?

I also due to constantly waking recall I had a dream, that was violent and worrying. I didnt like the dream. It wasnt a horror kind of dream more violent and upsetting. I dont recall the dream fully now want to repeat it here suffice to say if these are the kinds of dreams I have every night (I dont recall my dreams at all when I wake usually) then no wonder im living a fearfully fucked up life.

Anyway I couldnt sleep and eventually got up at 5am rather than the planned 6am.

That is OFv3 working.  You may want to listen to your loops in the morning instead.

Oh wow im executing!!!!!!!!!!

Ill see if I can, thank you, otherwise night time is way more convenient. I can stick to it more at night too, as in I can be consistent with the nightly listens.

Just reading this has made me want to increase the loop to 3 times a day but I have an exam this week so ill wait until after. 

4) I was making breakfast and suddenly on my white microwave as I was stood there with a plate that a small spider came from NOWHERE and skuttled across the surface of the roof of the microwave startling me with...you got it FEAR!!! I after a second or 2 then tried to compose myself that nothing to be afraid of and also to think where the heck is OF lol I then worked on a superb plan of action to remove said spider, a plan even Colonel John Hannibul Smith from the A-Team Tv Show would be proud off that involved a paper towel and a quick grab squeeze panic and throw manouver ive perfected over the years......but when I returned with my chosen weapon of destruction the spider was nowhere to be seen.

This incident alone made me wonder if OF is working or not but also that after 30 days with only 5 more months left, I have a long long way to go.

This kind of thinking makes me wonder about you.  Do you get on a train and then sit down and poof, you're there?  Or do you travel from where you started to where you're going over time?  It's a journey, Jake, not a binary experience.  This sort of thing is why you can't see it working.  You are either intentionally or unintentionally having ridiculous expectations of all at once results.  Given how bonenheaded stubborn you have been in the past, just having concrete signs that it's working at all (sleep interruption) is a fantastic first step. You are going to have to take steps.  OF does not work on every fear at once.  It has a strategy that will work on select fears and then when they're done, the next set of select fears.  If I tried to force you to overcome all your fears at once, your head would explode.

I hear you lol It was just how I felt in that moment but now that I am aware im executing cos you said im even more eager to give this sub all I have :-) 6 years later and finally we are making progress my friend!    

5) Yesterday was a productive day. After the journal update I got on with my most pressing task for the day - working on the next exam which is only days away.

That does not sound like procrastination, which is a good sign.

A VERY VERY GOOD SIGN!!! I know that my mental thinking is still not clear, as if there is a fog when it comes to taking all the necessary steps yet some fog has cleared because yes when i have a task planned and aimed to do this time im making it happen if only a little at this stage but its happening :-) 

Over the past 2 months whilst being in the UK and maybe a few weeks before that I learnt of time blocking and have been eager to put it into action when I got back to uni. During the 2 months away I was thinking about what I need to do when i get back and how to get myself into gear. Ive been feeling motivated to do this but I always have when I go home and then when I return to uni i lose all that motivation or rather I have something inside but taking action is super super hard. However I mentioned this mental fog and so I feel less stressed or anxious, and a little more fogless in knowing what I want to do or need to do in terms of tasks. 

So as my update after this post will reveal even today ive got on with it. I think having a priority of Sleep, sleep times of waking and getting up in itself has made me more time conscious. I am aware that past a certain time I will do nothing except focus on getting to bed on time and thus winding down. This has made me aware of the limited time in the day I have so ive been trying to get on with this as best as I can which is still 10% if not more better than where I have been before. Im trying not to get too excited as I know I need to just stay consistent but I have a whole plan or series of goals that I want to reach and it all starts with this sub and sleep.

6) Today I so far made breakfast a big breakfast followed by quick microwavable pancakes and tea. I spoke to my friend on the phone and then got him off quick so that I could focus on todays goals. Due to waking early and trying to focus my self around sleep ive become more focused on getting things done in the day and not wasting time which is great.

Endlessly amusing when people (including me) use grammar vaguely.  Might want to re-read what you wrote there.

hahahaha I got him off the phone quick hahahahaha hahahahahahaha oh wow Shannon well spotted hahahaha

I think the rest of you can forgive that faux pas lmao haha

haha

on another note i after endless attemps for the past god knows how many minutes have managed to quote some what correctly and reply the way ive always wanted too.... I tried and I kinda succeeded.... this ill give to the sub too!!! :-) I think some quotes arent there but oh well im trying.

addendum: I went back had a look and corrected it further so I think ive got it right this time - the quoting that is! excellent!