**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

27/180
Day 27 OFF - Monday June 14 - OFF #2

So day off today and got woken up by a friend. However I wasnt as tired as I was yesterday.

Nothing else to really say or state so far.

Addendum:
So im going to add extra which may be relevant actually. So I woke, and spoke to my friend who woke me about an upcoming exam that he today found out that we may not able to sit. The way he said it caused me to react in the same surprised way as I normally would and I think (cant recall) but I think my anxiety was either same or less. I dont think it was more however he then went on to say we may be able to do it at another day from which I immediately felt euphoric and great and thought in my head "well doesnt matter its an easy exam this one and we can do it again at the last sittings in the fall/autumn dates" and then went on to tell him this.

I then after that got chatting to 1 of the women briefly and she was free for a quick call (our first) so I said sure why not. That call ended up lasting for around I dont know 2-3hours with breaks due to other calls needed precedence. Shes amazed at how well we click as indeed am I but hey ill take a win lol

I then had the other females message me here and there and thats cool nothing major, however I think it was saturday where 1 female and I were texting and the topic became rather sensitive so i asked her to delete as its not something that needed to be on anyones server though not serious and it was simply chat its still something that caused some anxiety in me however soon I was able to let it go.

So in essence i could be feeling less anxious in certain situations but less doesnt mean NONE, since im still feeling it for sure but lesser perhaps. Also I could very well be feeling it for a very quick short duration so if that is true im either releasing fears quicker than usual or im letting the feelings dissipate quicker. there is a 3rd option which is that the fearful situations are not as fearful as some others thus less fearful situations leads to less fearful feelings. I may need to stand at a high height (fear of heights) or be locked in a room with a wasp/bee or spider (fear of these) to see how I feel lol

anyway thats all for now but I still feel its early days even after 27 days since I have felt fear during this journal.

Also I was tired and full from eating and thus procrastinated at toadys main task at hand but then did it and got it done by 70% so far which is something.

Also the girl I had oneitis for when I was on OF2, who has now gone to pretty much radio silence which have I too, well its her birthday in a few days and im thinking of just doing something for her as a one off and then ghosting her simple cos why not turn the tables. So the birthday gift I plan to do for her is a service paid and arranged online but I was hesistant to log on and check it out. The anxiety I had was I think the effort to get it right. I think that perfectionism is the fear I have that leads to me procrastinating on my academic learning and work.

I think the procrastination I have been trying to deal with for so long stems from fear of failure thus if my immediately analysis whilst I type these words is correct and that fear of failure is what causes the perfectionist way of thinking.

So I guess thats something I may have realised some years ago with Shannon's help too but its become apparent again. Clearly this fear of failure hasnt gone however I did end up logging on and checking the site out but im too lazy to arrange the servicec/gift as yet.

Wow I didnt think I had any data oh well I guess reading other journals really does evoke and inspire lol