06-13-2021, 11:46 AM
Update:
Things are still going really well for now. Don't feel any anxiety and I don't think I've actually felt any fear for the last few days. I have noticed that I have this very big urge to just talk to people. I feel like I can probably just talk all day, everyday now. This is completely different then I was a few months ago or for the good last couple of years. I do know I used to be a lot more expressive when I was younger and cracking jokes a lot but once I got to middle school that just stopped. I kept on getting picked on and made fun of so I just became a lot more quiet. Basically I hid myself because of fear. Now it seems that fear is cleared up and I'm perfectly fine. I have noticed as well that my idea of the future and my future plans don't have fear surrounding them anymore. As in their is not really any hesitation in thinking whether I will achieve them or not. Its part of the reason I'm certain I will get results from the next UMSv2 and DMSI. There just isn't any fear around achieving the goals anymore or fearing that they aren't possible.
As on the women front things are going well. Funny enough more and more women trying to get my attention now yet I don't even care. I don't even care about a relationship. Only care about maybe talking to them if they are interesting and having a good time doing so. Sex or the need for sex is not the priority in my mind anymore. I think they sense that and therefore they are interested to some degree. Also I should explain something more about that chick called Jane that I left out in my last post that will fill in the blanks a bit as I feel like that part may have made me seem like an a-hole. When I first started talking to her I made it known from the start that I wasn't monogamous at all. I even explained this to her 2-3 times to which she agreed to my terms. However she started pulling that bad behavior then I pulled that out and reminded her. Funny thing she tried to say I had "Cheated on her" despite her agreeing I could see other women as well and whenever I brought up the fact that she agreed to this she just ignored that and kept on saying I cheated on her.
Eh I just asked her a question regarding why she agreed to it then if she had such an issue then when she didn't reply back I called her on her bullshit and removed myself from the conversation. Like 1 or 2 days later she contacts me again and is a lot more reasonable. I made a few things known: (1) She does that shit again I will just wish her luck and block her, (2) I let her know I'm not changing for her especially on something she agreed to, and (3) basically "I know who I am and where I am going in life. I have a very lucrative CS career ahead of me whether your a part of that or not. If not doesn't matter I have plenty of other women who would see me as a catch with me being financially stable and having a decent personality. Choice is yours whether you want to be apart of my life or not". She then apologized 2 times and said she remembers I said I wasn't monogamous but she didn't think I was really serious about it lol. Don't know how she got that impression when I literally told 2 to 3 times that I wasn't monogamous.
Anyway, as far as anything else things are just going very, very well at the moment. Life is good, my emotions are balanced, and the future is bright. I don't really have any worries at all in the world. I will say there is one thing that is a draw. I am going a bit slower on my degree because I think fear was my main motivator before and now that that's gone its like I lack that motivation. I guess I will get that motivation back to complete it a lot quicker once I switch to maybe back to MLS4 eventually or if on UMSv2 I see the very good financial benefits of completing the degree a lot quicker. Other than that things are very well. No where to go but up from here.
Things are still going really well for now. Don't feel any anxiety and I don't think I've actually felt any fear for the last few days. I have noticed that I have this very big urge to just talk to people. I feel like I can probably just talk all day, everyday now. This is completely different then I was a few months ago or for the good last couple of years. I do know I used to be a lot more expressive when I was younger and cracking jokes a lot but once I got to middle school that just stopped. I kept on getting picked on and made fun of so I just became a lot more quiet. Basically I hid myself because of fear. Now it seems that fear is cleared up and I'm perfectly fine. I have noticed as well that my idea of the future and my future plans don't have fear surrounding them anymore. As in their is not really any hesitation in thinking whether I will achieve them or not. Its part of the reason I'm certain I will get results from the next UMSv2 and DMSI. There just isn't any fear around achieving the goals anymore or fearing that they aren't possible.
As on the women front things are going well. Funny enough more and more women trying to get my attention now yet I don't even care. I don't even care about a relationship. Only care about maybe talking to them if they are interesting and having a good time doing so. Sex or the need for sex is not the priority in my mind anymore. I think they sense that and therefore they are interested to some degree. Also I should explain something more about that chick called Jane that I left out in my last post that will fill in the blanks a bit as I feel like that part may have made me seem like an a-hole. When I first started talking to her I made it known from the start that I wasn't monogamous at all. I even explained this to her 2-3 times to which she agreed to my terms. However she started pulling that bad behavior then I pulled that out and reminded her. Funny thing she tried to say I had "Cheated on her" despite her agreeing I could see other women as well and whenever I brought up the fact that she agreed to this she just ignored that and kept on saying I cheated on her.
Eh I just asked her a question regarding why she agreed to it then if she had such an issue then when she didn't reply back I called her on her bullshit and removed myself from the conversation. Like 1 or 2 days later she contacts me again and is a lot more reasonable. I made a few things known: (1) She does that shit again I will just wish her luck and block her, (2) I let her know I'm not changing for her especially on something she agreed to, and (3) basically "I know who I am and where I am going in life. I have a very lucrative CS career ahead of me whether your a part of that or not. If not doesn't matter I have plenty of other women who would see me as a catch with me being financially stable and having a decent personality. Choice is yours whether you want to be apart of my life or not". She then apologized 2 times and said she remembers I said I wasn't monogamous but she didn't think I was really serious about it lol. Don't know how she got that impression when I literally told 2 to 3 times that I wasn't monogamous.
Anyway, as far as anything else things are just going very, very well at the moment. Life is good, my emotions are balanced, and the future is bright. I don't really have any worries at all in the world. I will say there is one thing that is a draw. I am going a bit slower on my degree because I think fear was my main motivator before and now that that's gone its like I lack that motivation. I guess I will get that motivation back to complete it a lot quicker once I switch to maybe back to MLS4 eventually or if on UMSv2 I see the very good financial benefits of completing the degree a lot quicker. Other than that things are very well. No where to go but up from here.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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