14/180
Day 14 OFF - June 1 - OFF #2 - Part 1
I didnt want to sleep early and I wasnt tired at all but eventually fell asleep and woke tired which didnt last long.
The bathroom is occupied due to a temporary blockage so I came back to my room and thought ill check messages etc.
My uni friend messaged me without any success regarding the 1st part of the homework I have mentioned in previous posts so I decided ill just do it now in any way I can. For some reason this time around the information I had already seen and noticed before became more clear for me and so I used that and completed the work. I felt relaxed whilst doing it because in my mind the thought and strategy was, do it now but dont email/submit until later in the week incase my friend or others find the correct answers. I believe I have found 50-80% of the answer they want so im not displeased at all.
The point im trying to make is that im not procrastinating as much it seems nor as fearful as before I think. Lets see how things develop as for me the real test is when I return out of this safety bubble that is home and return back to uni in a weeks time. "Addendum": (also to add I didnt actively come to do my homework. The first time as in a previous post I didnt plan to do it either. So if procrastination is avoiding to start or plan to take action that I dont know if has changed but what seems to have changed is that when faced with the task im doing it. Not sure if that makes sense or is the correct analysis here but came into my mind so thought best to say to be clear)
Also I was in the bathroom before I was told not to use it and I was thinking about 1 of my goals for weight loss which is to go out more as summer is here (once im at uni I mean) and then I felt insecure. I felt how will I walk in the summer without a jacket to cover my fat. I felt I may have to walk away from the busy streets and more in the side quieter streets. This insecurity came up and then I tried to rationalise against it that well ive walked these streets before and it doesnt matter.
I say tried as I dont know if it worked or if I surpressed this thought and got on with my day.
Addendum:
Other thoughts that I just remembered came up into my mind yesterday and today are around how will I make money. Sure once I graduate ill be in a career earning something I hope but it wont be enough to propel me into the stratosphere I believe I can reach or deserve. Im not creative when it comes to money making ideas it seems and this concern pops into my head a couple of times in this week. I just realised as it popped into my head just now too.
Addendum 2:
As reading journals I sudden very quick feeling of anxiety occured where I realised I am afraid perhaps of changing the current listening protocol incase I make things worse than better. I only felt this suddenly because my mind then said/I had a thought of " well its irelevent at this stage, you arent changing anything and as shannon as told others as long as you work towards increasing the loops/intensity you wont be going backwards". I feel ok now but a little of that anxiety I can feel in the solar plexus. Ah ok its dissipating as I type.
Day 14 OFF - June 1 - OFF #2 - Part 1
I didnt want to sleep early and I wasnt tired at all but eventually fell asleep and woke tired which didnt last long.
The bathroom is occupied due to a temporary blockage so I came back to my room and thought ill check messages etc.
My uni friend messaged me without any success regarding the 1st part of the homework I have mentioned in previous posts so I decided ill just do it now in any way I can. For some reason this time around the information I had already seen and noticed before became more clear for me and so I used that and completed the work. I felt relaxed whilst doing it because in my mind the thought and strategy was, do it now but dont email/submit until later in the week incase my friend or others find the correct answers. I believe I have found 50-80% of the answer they want so im not displeased at all.
The point im trying to make is that im not procrastinating as much it seems nor as fearful as before I think. Lets see how things develop as for me the real test is when I return out of this safety bubble that is home and return back to uni in a weeks time. "Addendum": (also to add I didnt actively come to do my homework. The first time as in a previous post I didnt plan to do it either. So if procrastination is avoiding to start or plan to take action that I dont know if has changed but what seems to have changed is that when faced with the task im doing it. Not sure if that makes sense or is the correct analysis here but came into my mind so thought best to say to be clear)
Also I was in the bathroom before I was told not to use it and I was thinking about 1 of my goals for weight loss which is to go out more as summer is here (once im at uni I mean) and then I felt insecure. I felt how will I walk in the summer without a jacket to cover my fat. I felt I may have to walk away from the busy streets and more in the side quieter streets. This insecurity came up and then I tried to rationalise against it that well ive walked these streets before and it doesnt matter.
I say tried as I dont know if it worked or if I surpressed this thought and got on with my day.
Addendum:
Other thoughts that I just remembered came up into my mind yesterday and today are around how will I make money. Sure once I graduate ill be in a career earning something I hope but it wont be enough to propel me into the stratosphere I believe I can reach or deserve. Im not creative when it comes to money making ideas it seems and this concern pops into my head a couple of times in this week. I just realised as it popped into my head just now too.
Addendum 2:
As reading journals I sudden very quick feeling of anxiety occured where I realised I am afraid perhaps of changing the current listening protocol incase I make things worse than better. I only felt this suddenly because my mind then said/I had a thought of " well its irelevent at this stage, you arent changing anything and as shannon as told others as long as you work towards increasing the loops/intensity you wont be going backwards". I feel ok now but a little of that anxiety I can feel in the solar plexus. Ah ok its dissipating as I type.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
