5/180
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3
3rd day off.
Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.
Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.
Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.
I did have some negative thoughts such as am I even someone who can be responsible? Do I have the ability to become an independent man. I know the answer to these and others like these are a resounding yes but for some reason im thinking these negative thoughts. Is it the sub or simply the time in my life as my degrees end draws near....I dont know but there is alot more focus for me on what I will do once the degree finishes.
I also felt yesterday having come across someones tiktok on multiple streams of income that im so closed to finding means to make money. I mean there are people that are making money from so many means and im just dead. Is this fear or is there a lock on my creative money earning thinking? I dont know but yeah this came to mind too.
I also saw another tiktok video that made me realise that I may be suffering from fear of failure and that this is what perhaps has caused my apethetic approach to life, responsibility but more to the procrastination to studying and academic excellence. The video explained that if you praise a childs marks they associate the marks with self value and thus when things get tough and fail rather than work hard they procrastinate or something like this whereas if you praise a childs efforts they will work harder and harder and harder.
Funny thing is I was always praised for my marks and for my efforts. When my marks fell my effort hadnt. So actually scrap this cos I dunno what I suffer from fuck it OF just do your thing!
I do however feel optimistic about listening to the sub once again after these 3 days off because the tiredness wasnt there today when I woke as you read when it had been there in my past reports to this journal thread, so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am
if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.
For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol
Day 5 off - Sun 23 May - OFF #3
3rd day off.
Today no tiredness or grogginess. Woke up feeling fine.
Nothing to report all day that was of any significance.
Felt normal which is calm and relaxed for me.
I did have some negative thoughts such as am I even someone who can be responsible? Do I have the ability to become an independent man. I know the answer to these and others like these are a resounding yes but for some reason im thinking these negative thoughts. Is it the sub or simply the time in my life as my degrees end draws near....I dont know but there is alot more focus for me on what I will do once the degree finishes.
I also felt yesterday having come across someones tiktok on multiple streams of income that im so closed to finding means to make money. I mean there are people that are making money from so many means and im just dead. Is this fear or is there a lock on my creative money earning thinking? I dont know but yeah this came to mind too.
I also saw another tiktok video that made me realise that I may be suffering from fear of failure and that this is what perhaps has caused my apethetic approach to life, responsibility but more to the procrastination to studying and academic excellence. The video explained that if you praise a childs marks they associate the marks with self value and thus when things get tough and fail rather than work hard they procrastinate or something like this whereas if you praise a childs efforts they will work harder and harder and harder.
Funny thing is I was always praised for my marks and for my efforts. When my marks fell my effort hadnt. So actually scrap this cos I dunno what I suffer from fuck it OF just do your thing!
I do however feel optimistic about listening to the sub once again after these 3 days off because the tiredness wasnt there today when I woke as you read when it had been there in my past reports to this journal thread, so hopefully ill get to see if I wake refreshed or not. Only problem is that its now 5.43am and I havent slept on purpose as I may have a university webinar to attend at 6.30am
if I dont then ill finally get to sleep, will this result in me waking tired perhaps so can I attribute it to poor sleep cycle (which I always have) or to the sub - ive no idea.
For now all I can say is lets wait and see lol
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
