Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Ampersnd]

I've got an opposite set of feelings. Almost like a contradictory set of fears pulling me in opposite directions. It's got me feeling jittery and anxious with hesitancies. This flares up at work.

Do you think it's TID, and if so, why this particular experience from it?

I know that my job is a large investment of time and energy (in exchange for money), but it's not my calling. So I have the strong desire to do other things.
Compound that to the fear of missing out on my goals/dreams conflicting with my fears of not doing well financially if I left.
Compound that with the worry that I'll be "called out" by a superior for a silly mistake. Or that they'll somehow know that I'm slacking off (we don't have the tech to track employees).
Compound that with the fear that I'm getting older, etc. etc.

It winds up making all of my actions and thoughts jittery; difficult to think straight. Probably the mental experience of someone who struggles with mild anxiety.

And this has been much more pronounced recently. So possibly TID.