Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Shannon]

Hi Shannon, any updates on programs being worked on?

I wish DMSI was out to deal with an issue I have with a girl I rekindled with on V3.3.2 awhile back when she willingly gave me her number without me asking. I was shocked and thought I won the lottery at the time. Nothing really has transpired since, despite my efforts, sadly. Even before the virus situation. Haven't heard back for like a week now. Seems to be slipping through my fingers magically...again I guess I'm not sure. I'm beyond tired of failing with them, it's insane how this has happened my entire life now. I really wonder why I keep putting myself through the disappointment and trying since nothing changes.

You have surely noticed a pattern here.  You are following a predictable pattern and cycle, every time you get some interaction with a woman.  I could write out that pattern in computer programming code, at this point.  The key to changing it is to recognize it and make a conscious choice to do something different.  I've told you that before.  In your case, presuming you're being honest, you have a battle going on between your conscious and subconscious selves.  Conscious self wants sex, subconscious self wants to "protect you from" sex because of the perceived and remembered "threats" it poses.  As I see it, you can do two things at your current point of your journey to get past those subconscious reactions.  

Option A: I don't give a fuck.  Stop caring.  Stop thinking about, wanting, caring about, trying for, hoping for, thinking about, giving a shit about, sex, relationships, women.

Option B: I refuse to deal with women in a sexual, relational, involved way.  This means that no matter what they do, you shut them down, stonewall them, avoid those things, ignore those things, and do something else.  There is NO chance of you trying, no matter what she does.  You have shut down and turned off your willingness to try, have sex, be involved, even if she throws it at you.

At some point in the future, you will probably get to a point where those are not necessary, but right now, that's how you're going to break your endless loop.

I'm fighting the ever-increasing anger and resentment building towards women. They just are not attracted for some reason. Period. I'm always the "great friend" and all that insulting BS. They feel just as impossible to get as ever. I have no idea why, feels futile.

You have to realize that you don't know when they're attracted and when they're not.  A woman who gives you her phone number without you asking is attracted.  A woman who ghosts you is not.  The issue you have is that you're doing things that keep women at bay, make them want to avoid you, make them want to friend zone you, etc.   These things are being done in ways you consciously don't see or realize, by your subconscious, because it thinks it has to "protect" itself (and the conscious you, who doesn't understand how evil and dangerous these damned women really are) from the very thing you consciously want.  I have seen many times your subconscious completely pull the wool over your conscious self.  It can dominate your conscious mind and manipulate your perceptions and awareness of reality and it does this every time you start making progress.  

You have to fix the root issue first.  Not get mad at women for acting the way you told them to act by your subconscious choices, actions and communications.  Women communicate about 80% through very subtle things that men don't usually even notice, especially without years of practice and effort.  I would bet good money that you are subconsciously communicating to them that you want them to stay away, because subconsciously, YOU DO want them to stay away.

Which leads us back to... you have to fix the root issue.  Which is the little boy who was so traumatized that he crystallized an awareness within your subconscious who is always trying to stop and prevent sex, to prevent having to experience that trauma again.  Which means the only way to get there is to clear out that fear and trauma.  Which you may have noticed that OF v2 is doing.  BUT!  To make this process go faster, you need to stop trying to get to sex, women, relationships until the process is finished.  Otherwise all that will happen is that you flare up that fear, lose progress and repeat the cycle.  That is why you need to choose one of and execute one of the following until you've finished clearing out that fear and trauma:

Option A: I don't give a fuck.  Stop caring.  Stop thinking about, wanting, caring about, trying for, hoping for, thinking about, giving a shit about, sex, relationships, women.  

Option B: I refuse to deal with women in a sexual, relational, involved way.  This means that no matter what they do, you shut them down, stonewall them, avoid those things, ignore those things, and do something else.  There is NO chance of you trying, no matter what she does.  You have shut down and turned off your willingness to try, have sex, be involved, even if she throws it at you.

You have to fix the problem FIRST.  Then you can worry about sex, women, relationships.

Anyway, all the best. Looking forward to hearing about whatever is made soon. I can't remember if it's NSFM or the secret one. Really hope DMSI R&D is yielding results. A part of me is just wondering if I don't have fear of girls, and if it's my self esteem that's destroyed with them, external validation issues with them because I do yearn for their interest as I've never had it before and want it for once in my life. Or if I just have PTSD about them. Given MY background with them...and my feelings and reactions to things with them, doesn't sound far off. It's like a "Sigh...*groan*...oh god here we go AGAIN..." whenever I start to like one. If I could just get some good things going with them, I know that'd go a long way to turn the tide and get me going as a NORMAL man. But that still seems impossible. I mean, in September I'll become a 40 year old virgin. Never had a girlfriend, never took a girl on a date, never kissed a girl. My god. What a pathetic embarrassment. This program can't come soon enough, maybe self esteem/confidence/removal of external validation will help this program.

Nobody who matters will care that you're a virgin at 40 or any other age.  Especially if they understand why.  So the only reason that matters is because you're worried about judgement by someone else, and those someone else's don't matter.  So stop worrying about being a virgin, and stop worrying about being a virgin at X age.  IT DOESN'T MATTER.  It's not embarrassing unless you make it embarrassing by insisting that it is.  Stop comparing yourself to other people and trying to live according to other people's standards.  You are a very unusual man, and as such, you will have very unusual circumstances in your life.  You can only accurately compare yourself to you in the past.  Are you a better man than you were yesterday?  Great!  You're making progress.  Nobody else's "standards" matter.  You are you.  Understand that.  Accept that.  Live that.  

I'm working on NSFM right now.  Now that the disruptive cycle is finally past the last peak, it will take some time to stop killing my efforts (and believe me, it has done some crazy shit to my efforts since January 2019 when it started), but we will be making progress to DMSI as it fades away.  If you follow my advice, and use OF v2 while practicing Option A or B, DMSI will still be there for you when you are ready for it.