10-14-2020, 12:16 AM
Not much happening apart from a lot of procrastination. Trying to move forward though and begin to play a long game with work and life and beginning to see success as a by product of habits (of which I have very few good ones)
I've had some pretty intense dreams of late though - that's something. One I had of a bear we were keeping in my house, it was getting bigger and harder to control. I tried to lock itin the bathroom but it managed to break the door by pulling it so hard all the wood bent and splintered - so I ran to a next door which was stronger but had no key I was holding it shut by pulling it with all my weight but the bear started pulling in the opposite direction and it was too strong - I was screaming at my family who were standing around just looking at me apathetically to get the key but no one was responding or they were just moving really slowly, not realising the gravity of the situation.
Another dream I had was of an hold high school friend - he was always incredibly loyal and cool, and when I got bullied/excluded he always had my back. Then we both moved schools and I fell in with a kind of cool crowd and he was in another class so we didn't really speak and i'm pretty sure he was deeply hurt that I never spoke to him really. Years later he's a very cool successful guy and I've bumped into him a couple of times and he's been polite but cold and dismissive. Anyway in this dream I was talking to him and feeling a deep hatred and resentment he had toward me - I mean it was very harsh and unforgiving. I just felt guilty and like I really didn't want to have ignored him, it kind of just happened.
I awoke feeling really shaken - I've never experienced so much hate from someone, particularly someone who I quite cared for. It made me wonder about the resentment I've had toward people who I feel have failed me in some way.
I've had some pretty intense dreams of late though - that's something. One I had of a bear we were keeping in my house, it was getting bigger and harder to control. I tried to lock itin the bathroom but it managed to break the door by pulling it so hard all the wood bent and splintered - so I ran to a next door which was stronger but had no key I was holding it shut by pulling it with all my weight but the bear started pulling in the opposite direction and it was too strong - I was screaming at my family who were standing around just looking at me apathetically to get the key but no one was responding or they were just moving really slowly, not realising the gravity of the situation.
Another dream I had was of an hold high school friend - he was always incredibly loyal and cool, and when I got bullied/excluded he always had my back. Then we both moved schools and I fell in with a kind of cool crowd and he was in another class so we didn't really speak and i'm pretty sure he was deeply hurt that I never spoke to him really. Years later he's a very cool successful guy and I've bumped into him a couple of times and he's been polite but cold and dismissive. Anyway in this dream I was talking to him and feeling a deep hatred and resentment he had toward me - I mean it was very harsh and unforgiving. I just felt guilty and like I really didn't want to have ignored him, it kind of just happened.
I awoke feeling really shaken - I've never experienced so much hate from someone, particularly someone who I quite cared for. It made me wonder about the resentment I've had toward people who I feel have failed me in some way.
