10-05-2020, 08:52 AM
Felt a huge surge of bad emotions earlier. Last night I masturbated again which is bad because it has been going on for almost daily now. I've got to save up this energy on something more productive.
I felt like a huge failure and lost some confidence in myself. As such I cried and looked how I am much worse now compared to before. Self-pity has gotten ahead of me again.
I browsed Facebook while in this emotional state and saw my ex and his boyfriend having fun and just posted a new set of photos. I know I shouldn't have looked at it but I couldn't help myself. I don't feel that bad like I used to before but there is still bitterness remaining. Do I want her back? No, but the feeling of her cheating on me and being betrayed still lingers on. What hurts more is what if she sees me in this condition? I feel like it will boost her ego and will of course think she made the right decision. Not to mention that she won against me. Whenever I think about things like this it makes me wonder why I am even thinking of such. Because deep down I know that whatever she thinks of me shouldn't matter anymore.
I felt like a huge failure and lost some confidence in myself. As such I cried and looked how I am much worse now compared to before. Self-pity has gotten ahead of me again.
I browsed Facebook while in this emotional state and saw my ex and his boyfriend having fun and just posted a new set of photos. I know I shouldn't have looked at it but I couldn't help myself. I don't feel that bad like I used to before but there is still bitterness remaining. Do I want her back? No, but the feeling of her cheating on me and being betrayed still lingers on. What hurts more is what if she sees me in this condition? I feel like it will boost her ego and will of course think she made the right decision. Not to mention that she won against me. Whenever I think about things like this it makes me wonder why I am even thinking of such. Because deep down I know that whatever she thinks of me shouldn't matter anymore.
