Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Shannon]

@Shannon - Procrastination Epiphany - may be helpful for UMOP etc

Hi Shannon

Around a year or so ago, you once said something that only today has clicked for me and the truth of it made total sense.

I explained how I would put things off to the very very last moment. Consciously im eager to work im ambitious wanting to get things done (perhaps high expectations of my own abilities - it all feels real and possible for me) but the action fails me until that very last moment.

You said I think that this was fear but also that the reason I take action at the end is because I have no where to run to and that there is no way to put that task off. The day time I know I can delay and delay and then there is no delay left for me, no where to turn and I take action.

How true you are!

Today I have been putting off some important work. I had the whole day to do it but I allowed time to expand to fill up the day time. Meal times became longer, watching 1 episode of a tv show became 2 or 3. Hell I even washed dishes and tidied up when normally I probably wouldnt.

I felt and this may all be vital for the subs, but I felt that I HAD time, lots of time and that I could do it a second later, 1 minute later or just simply later because I had time but also had the confidence in myself to do the task when it came to doing it.

I also understood that when I finally came to doing the said task, I put music on, and voila got into the flow state, got into the zone.
I was also whilst doing the task setting myself arbitrary milestones or checkpoint that I wanted to reach before I took a break. So if I had 100 points to say copy I set myself the goal of doing 50 and trying to stick to it. This showed me that when it came to doing the action and I had no choice to do it, that my mind enabled me to find reasons to do it somewhat more easily or a little less painfully without thinking that I I was TOO overwhelmed, that I had too much to do.

The flow state was 100% flow, there were lapses at times when i wanted to stop but the milestone that I said I should reach before I took a break pushed me along.

This brings me to the next realisation that I realised that im always eager to do tasks for my betterment. Be it take vitamins or study or exercise but the actual procrastination now ive realised today and admitted stems from boredom and hard work and time. The latter being that it takes TOO long to do.

Without realising it, when I actually come to doing the said task, I was feeling either that the task is boring, or hard, difficult or that it does or would take up too much time or somewhere along this line. I didnt realise this as I guess somehow my emotions or thoughts or feelings are dumbed down, im kinda apathetic/unaware/desensitised to them if that somehow makes sense, im less aware of them and so even though that record is playing im totally oblivious to it yet its what is controlling me and today I realised that the motivation to work and excel, to become a goal achiever, a peak performer is there but when its time to take the said action a complete 180 flip is done and the B side of that record starts to play.

Somehow this is why I seem to be procrastinating and whats clear is that the flow state that I enter and did enter is not due to anything but my mind.

I cannot over ride this, I havent ever been able to over ride this and im hoping all of this helps you but also its my way of saying thanks for revealing to me a year or 2 ago what I see now. That I myself spend the day avoiding the task to reach a point where I am backed into a corner and thats when I take action and when I do take that action then its my mind putting me into the zone so that I can get out of that corner.

How or why I am this way I have absolutely no idea at all and no idea if you have any thoughts or theories on this but I sincerely hope this helps in some minor way.

Thanks man!

That does give a little insight.  It would appear that the issue you have really boils down to something I already attempted to do in the last UMOP, but the technology and power levels were not sufficient.  This should be interesting in the next version then.