Mystic LTU 6 Journal

[Mystic Pymp]

I can relate to having too many ideas to write on, and which one is important.  For myself, I've tended to rely on fears to push me this way or that to make the decision, but the FRM is working against that aim for me, which is good.  For now, I find I write best first thing in the morning--before I've listened to fearful thoughts surfacing-- or right after work--when my fears around men can fall away.  

I'm kind of glad I wrote that, as a constant fear around men is showing up.  (I think) I'm unsure of why I get fearful, but it mirrors childhood beliefs I've had and carried.  Maybe this is being worked on in me, which is probably why I'm thinking on it.  That awareness feels good, for this stage has been VERY active in me.  Being aware of things I usually hide from myself makes me think I'm closer to being free from it.  In short, I'm becoming much more aware of the mental and emotional blinders I wear on a daily basis.

Did you have any awarenesses pop up during this last month?
What's your main (desired) focus on LTU6 so far?
Do you feel hopeful going forward?

As for the theme of fear - I'm not sure. I feels like I'm being stripped of my excuses that we borne one way or the other from the fear. I cannot say I'm more "courageous" though, so far I don't think I've made any decisions that would be extraordinary for the past me. But then I'm more interested in the process than giant leaps and there were no opportunities to speak of, so...

Did you have any awarenesses pop up during this last month? I'm not sure what you mean. So far I didn't have any grand revelations and no pop-ups except for existential angst every now and then There is this dream-like quality to things I described some time ago, so maybe it counts?  

What's your main (desired) focus on LTU6 so far? I'm going back to work in October and I want to be well prepared for it. Also I wanna keep all the profits of the habits I've developed the past 6 months. But the greatest focus is emotional by far. I've been writing recently about my dad and I've been thinking (more subconsciously than on purpose) about that sweetheart of mine, my last heartbreak that I still didn't got over completely even though it happened like 8-9 years ago. I try not to set to much focus though, I'd rather just play the sub and see where it leads me. You cannot force healing like that, I don't think at least.

So, the focus is dealing with loss and inability to control everything, especially other people? You're guess is as good as mine to be honest.

Do you feel hopeful going forward? Hell yes! Perhaps hopeful is a bad word, more like curious. In the past I'd watch out for what curved balls life would send me, now I think things will be more optimistic. These past few months proved to me that I can use and thrive even in bad circumstances like Corona BS. I've used this time to prepare myself, I've been training my body, mind and soul and the next months will be the time to reap the fruit of this work. Add LTU6 to it and yes, I am hopeful. Not in a sense that things will magically be alright, but that there will be a lot of unexpected, both good and bad, and I'm sure I'll be able to make the most out of these situations.