08-29-2020, 08:42 AM
Back Again with another little update. Sorry if I replay late to anyone things have been sorta hectic. Anywho, I got a good result. On the 17th of this month, school started for me online and I was ready. I woke up early to prepare for my nursing class ( it was this google meetup thing) and honestly it did not take me long to feel overwhelmed. Once things were finally over and I went to the school to print out my syllabus for my nursing class, anatomy class, and precalculus class it hit me that a made a mistake. In nursing it's a common saying that for every hour you spend in class you need to spend five hours studying. You can do the math haha. So take into account I have two whole other classes! Now math is something that isn't too hard for me personally, but it still takes time to do each problem and listen to the lecture, take notes, etc etc. Then with my anatomy class, his lecture is about 4 hours! not including all the pausing I have to do when I take notes. I have already mentioned science is my worst subject. which is basically what anatomy and nursing are. So I had to make what I would like to call my first "adult" decision. I was terrified. I couldn't sleep all night I was desperately trying to figure out how I was going to do it all. I wasn't sure if I was doing because I was too scared to face difficulties or if I was genuinely going to struggle trying to do it all. Then there was my mom and grandma. I didn't want to let them down again by quitting, especially after just the first day! After a couple of hours, I made up my mind. I had to get out of the mentality of trying to impress other people by being a nurse so young. Hell, I already failed once and didn't get it by 21, and thinking about not getting it still by 22 was a hard blow to my pride. I had to say (for a lack of better words) fuck my pride and fuck other expectations. If I had stayed in the program I would have risked failing everything and ruined my chance of getting in again. End the end everyone took it well. My teachers, my family, The dean of nursing all understood where I was coming from and was fine with it. I was able to get into the nursing program without having all the required classes completed already ( that's not something that happens often) so I must be decently smart lol. I will say I have made the right decision I have been swamped with work since then. The point to my long rambling is that without this subliminal I know I probably wouldn't have spoken up due to fear and stayed in the program. I'm confident I will get back into it next year. Anyways, I still am not good at closing long ramblings and I have a ton of studying to do so thanks for reading! 
