Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid 5G Journal

[reki]

If you are frustrated and angry because of your life circumstances, then you would be best advised to make whatever changes are necessary to change that situation.  It's usually fear that holds us down like that, in most cases.  I don't know your specifics; maybe there is nothing you can do even if you're willing to.  But I find that being angry is only useful for motivating me to change what made me angry, so I can stop being angry.  

Since you mentioned fear, I can attest it is from fear in some ways. As I said, My ex girlfriend cheated on me. As such, I am fearful in trusting people and on some level fearful that I will be lonely and abandoned. In a way and over time I am seeing that it is not bad to be alone. It just depends on how I look at it. Back when I was with my ex gf more than two years ago I am fearful of losing her so I can say I became needy and it made things complicated between us. In the end I somehow felt it was my fault for acting such and such that's why he went for another man. Looking back though I see it's good that we went separate ways. I started to see that she's not exactly a good fit for me and most of the time we were together I am not that happy at all. Most if not all of the time we were on a vacation she got pissed at me. She gets irritated easily. She takes the things and effort I give to her for granted. In turn I became more mature now in handling relationships and also slowly becoming the man in the relationship. However there is still an innate fear of being left out. I am an extrovert so in a way I enjoy being around other people. When I am just by people I feel somethings off. Meditation and learning about Stoicism helps in a way.

Figure out what is the root cause for your anger, and deal with it.  If you're angry because the Tax Man Taketh Too Much, find somewhere else to live.  If you're angry because your mom is an alcoholic and won't stop drinking, then divorce yourself from your mother and let her go and move on and live your life, if you're old enough to.  If you're angry because you got cancer and it screwed up your chances for becoming a millionaire, then you need to let go of that anger and understand that there's nothing that can be done, but you can still make yourself a millionaire.  To all issues, there is some sort of solution.  You just have to find the cause of the anger and then figure out and apply the solution to it.  I suggest turning the anger to motivation and use it for action.  That way the anger isn't destroying you (negative emotions are poisonous) and you are making it useful.

I can understand the sickness part. I am dealing with pain due to my previous illnesses much of the day but doctors have said they will improve over time. But it affects me in a way that I feel it hampers my performance. I just got to live by and control my anger. Epictetus once said, It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

Remember that first and foremost, you cannot go faster than you can go.  The first version of the EHPRA program is 5G technology and is only going to go so fast.  This will not be an instant, or even a quick process.  It usually takes months of use to see major changes for E1-E2-E3.  Each new version is faster and more powerful, but you can't force healing to go faster.  So don't be impatient.  I suggest you use the program for 8 to 12 hours a day and if you get mentally tired from it, take a couple days off.  Pushing for instant gratification when it comes to emotional healing isn't a wise path to follow.  Be patient with and kind to yourself.

I adjusted my usage to 9-10 hours. Still having a hard time sleeping but mostly it is due to having a f--- up sleeping schedule and body clock. Also from chronic pain but as I said it will improve. I made a commitment to use this for at least 3 months and more. Only nearing 1 month of use.
I am in no rush to healing myself. I just remembered that the word "healing" is in this sub and I know healing always takes time. I just want to be in the right direction. It's because there are many years in my life I felt I have wasted stumbling around the wrong path.

I think your outburst may have been part of your healing process, but I can't know for sure.  If it was, it may be that you simply need to find better ways to express the pent up negative emotions you have.  Maybe get a punching bag, or go play racquetball by yourself and smash the ball, or take a walk in the woods or go swimming or take a hike or jog or whatever.  Explosions usually happen when you've been denying yourself the expression of feelings, so maybe find ways to stop doing that as well.

I hope to be back to exercising in two weeks time and hopefully that helps. My body is currently reaching skinny levels and it's only making me more depress on some deep level. Need to go back to exercising, lifting and eating more. But looking at this I can see I am sad at looking at my body because in the past I get compliments from it from the opposite sex. I used it as a crutch for fake self confidence. So in the end it is stemming from my fear of loneliness, acceptance and rejection. I hate to say it but I only exercise for the external appeal and not for health or proving to myself that I can accomplish things. Self love and self validation are things I need to work on to lose these fears I have.