A Sexy Alex, stage 2: DMSI Journal (now 3.3.2!)

[apollolux]

I am definitely no stranger to foundational work, and indeed appreciate the value of such efforts. I also appreciate the value of targeted, focused development when the direction of said focus is reasonably correct; this is mainly why I had decided to buy and use AM6 previously, but also why I used E1, ASC, then the 4G combo of BIABWS+DAOS before listening to AM6 the first time, and also why I bought and listened to DAOSI/DMSI instead of SM3. The key here is if the direction is reasonably correct and/or knowing how correct or incorrect the direction may be, otherwise you're sailing off course, potentially even the completely opposite direction. I had mistakenly believed that lack of negative feedback was in good faith and genuinely an indicator that I had chosen a reasonably correct direction which turned out to not be the case, and part of that was due to that lack of feedback but also my inability to recognize (possibly even inability to accept) that not only was that not a correct direction but that the lack of negative feedback may have obscured the lack of positive feedback. Yes, I have said "lack" here a lot - I am using it as a general "absence of" rather than presume to connect any intent or malice from anyone to it and to acknowledge realistically there are absences of certain things objectively but also perceived absences of certain other things in my mind currently.

With being currently unemployed and having already invested money earlier into particular subliminal motivational programs, I find it difficult to justify plunking down $600 right now for LTU6 when only stage 1 is available for download as of Aug 13 and Shannon is getting ready to take a week-long vacation. I have AM6 and while it's meant to be more foundational than targeted it still had a strictly masculine focus to my recollection and, if I remember correctly, has within its script feedback mechanisms on progress more obvious to the listener than DMSI currently does. It actively attempts to drag you kicking and screaming into becoming a better man, if I'm remembering that one anecdotal description of it correctly. I'll reevaluate after finishing this round of AM6 and see where I'm at financially at least.

Right now the most prominent feeling, emotion, etc is anger and without a proper outlet to channel it I worry that it may build unchecked. While I'm pretty sure the primary sources of this anger are feeling like I don't have control and that my effort is worthless, I know that knowledge in and of itself doesn't solve the problem. I know that I must still take action, even if I feel that action may be useless and worthless.

I had stopped journaling with details a couple of months ago, relegating the formerly detail-rich document to just a calendar to keep track of when to listen to subs. The original rationale I had to detail in the first place was under the assumption that more data is better than less data, but I had not officially taken into account targeted focus. To resolve this I am putting forth effort to make a small sub-focused journal webapp for myself and to once again set a daily reminder for myself to journal with details.