Not been updating much, or at all. But then you'd be bored of reading the same thing every day. That is, how good things are. As it stands today, it is not only good but marvelous. Of course, I've had my bouts of resistance, and the days off felt an unnecessary jolt to the rhythm. But I stuck with the instructions nonetheless, to the very word. Still doing so. I had resistance in the shape of dreadful exhaustion. There were days I didn't even want to get out of bed. That feels like ages ago now, and not significant at all today.
I am restraining myself from making decisions on a whim, but I had a strong urge to quit alcohol. I ignored it for a couple of weeks, even had more drinks than usual during that time. But I have stopped enjoying it all together and made the decision to quit it three weeks ago. I've dealt amazingly well with the change so far, and now I am allowing myself to enjoy, have fun, and be free without the crutch of alcohol. I don't see myself going back to it, at least not in the near future.
I am much more vocal about my thoughts and opinions. And the best thing is, unlike before, it doesn't trigger fight or flight response. And when I do express my disagreement, it is not for the sake of proving myself to be an "alpha" or anything. I am growing to respect myself more and more, and as a result, I am also growing to respect others and providing them space to be themselves. They are not a threat to my identity and I don't need to respond with fear whatever comes my way. I've always been in the favor of a social sub, and I'd still pick it up if Shannon makes it, but I don't believe I need it anymore. Not if things continue the same way.
I am sleeping deeper and better than I ever did in my life. Most of the nights I don't remember my dreams, and even if I do, it is rarely anything substantial. Days off the sub are getting better with each cycle. This is the best one so far, crossing into the 3d day of the break.
There are two major areas where fear is still holding me back: Money, and my body itself. Regardless of all the positives, I am still ignoring ways to proceed with exploring options to make money and working dedicatedly to building up my skills that will eventually bring me more money. As for the body, I am fearful of going below a certain weight, but I am working towards it, and I am confident I can break that ceiling this time around.
All in all, there are many more months to go and I am assured that the sub will breakthrough eventually. In the meanwhile, I am enjoying the ride
I am restraining myself from making decisions on a whim, but I had a strong urge to quit alcohol. I ignored it for a couple of weeks, even had more drinks than usual during that time. But I have stopped enjoying it all together and made the decision to quit it three weeks ago. I've dealt amazingly well with the change so far, and now I am allowing myself to enjoy, have fun, and be free without the crutch of alcohol. I don't see myself going back to it, at least not in the near future.
I am much more vocal about my thoughts and opinions. And the best thing is, unlike before, it doesn't trigger fight or flight response. And when I do express my disagreement, it is not for the sake of proving myself to be an "alpha" or anything. I am growing to respect myself more and more, and as a result, I am also growing to respect others and providing them space to be themselves. They are not a threat to my identity and I don't need to respond with fear whatever comes my way. I've always been in the favor of a social sub, and I'd still pick it up if Shannon makes it, but I don't believe I need it anymore. Not if things continue the same way.
I am sleeping deeper and better than I ever did in my life. Most of the nights I don't remember my dreams, and even if I do, it is rarely anything substantial. Days off the sub are getting better with each cycle. This is the best one so far, crossing into the 3d day of the break.
There are two major areas where fear is still holding me back: Money, and my body itself. Regardless of all the positives, I am still ignoring ways to proceed with exploring options to make money and working dedicatedly to building up my skills that will eventually bring me more money. As for the body, I am fearful of going below a certain weight, but I am working towards it, and I am confident I can break that ceiling this time around.
All in all, there are many more months to go and I am assured that the sub will breakthrough eventually. In the meanwhile, I am enjoying the ride
