06-30-2020, 10:48 AM
I'm noticing that OF seems to be easier for me to deal with than it is for my GF. She is a more emotionally focused personality type than I am, and more polar emotionally. It was a bit challenging for her on days 2 and 3 of the break, and the first and second nights back on, she's been having some serious moodiness. Interestingly, it appears that her subconscious is trying to fight the process, but is not able to, and the result is that it is getting angry. She's become moody and snappish, and has realized that she is so, and will apologize after the fact.
That means this program is not only incredibly strong (as she has been subconsciously able to prevent LTU5 from making certain important changes that would result in not needing to play it all the time), but it is working. She is one of the most resistant testers I have. That impresses me.
On my end, it's been mildly challenging for the last 5 days for me as well. Not experiencing anxiety or fear, but finding that some part of me was trying hard to un-do the effects of the program during the days off, and trying to resist when I got back on. This takes the form of trying to procrasttinate, amusingly, but even that isn't working.
Yesterday I found the models were unstable, so I could not accomplish much. So I was playing Skyrim and re-checking every hour if they had stabilized. At one point, I suddenly decided that it was time to get rid of my couch. I then proceeded to do exactly that; now it's out by the curb and I have no couch.
The back story on that, to put the significance of that act into perspective, is that some part of my subconscious was associating the furniture and the clutter with my mother, and trying to "hold on to her" by doing so. She's been dead 10 years now, come June 26th. So it was not making any sense and not helping things.
Also, over the years the couch has become very ratty. It started off ugly, and went downhill from there. I found that no matter what I did I could not get it clean, and then one of my dogs had a "little explosion issue" that left me with the option of washing the whole thing down, or throwing it away. For a little while, I was paralyzed between wanting to just toss the damned thing, ugly and dirty and impossible to get really clean enough to make me happy, and keeping it because (insert excuses #1 through #349 here).
Yesterday, I up and got rid of it. No pushing from anyone... GF wisely allowed me to do that on my own time. Now there is no couch, and that section of the room is empty, and has been vacuumed four times. Lots of dust etc. under it.
My old ratty couch is not a tie to my mother's memory. I have that inside me, and it will never go away. "Things" don't tie me to her memory, and that is becoming more and more true every day. This is MAJOR progress, because ever since she died, some part of me was wanting to hoard crap to "hold on to her memory". (Partly because she was a hoarder, and so was my grandmother.) I have tried to push back and keep the hoarding to a minimum, but there has always been more clutter than I was happy with, and I couldn't seem to get past a certain amount of progress with removing it.
Now I am seeing that these "things" are not necessary. I'm going to throw away the old end table that I have left over from 20 years ago, which is long since the last part of the set it was part of (a living room coffee table and two end tables). In fact, hold on while I go do that.
(10 minutes later)
It's done. Ahhhh, freedom. This actually feels good!
I had my subconscious attempt something sneaky and amusing while I was doing that. That end table was glass-top. The glass was big enough that it would have made a nice cover for the areaof my desk that I use for work. "We could put it on the desk. It would make the desk much more pleasant to write on. And when you're doing perfumery, it would be easier to clean up!"
Then I realized it was trying to hold onto the glass, just like it had tried to hold on to the table. No. I put it out by the curb, along with the table and the lamp that had been sitting on it.
I am going to clear out the clutter in my house, a little at a time. And then I'll be free.
Given how difficult it is to work with people who have bad hoarding habits (mine are not bad), this really impresses me. Maybe OF 5.75G will prove to be an effective treatment for hoarding too!
That means this program is not only incredibly strong (as she has been subconsciously able to prevent LTU5 from making certain important changes that would result in not needing to play it all the time), but it is working. She is one of the most resistant testers I have. That impresses me.
On my end, it's been mildly challenging for the last 5 days for me as well. Not experiencing anxiety or fear, but finding that some part of me was trying hard to un-do the effects of the program during the days off, and trying to resist when I got back on. This takes the form of trying to procrasttinate, amusingly, but even that isn't working.
Yesterday I found the models were unstable, so I could not accomplish much. So I was playing Skyrim and re-checking every hour if they had stabilized. At one point, I suddenly decided that it was time to get rid of my couch. I then proceeded to do exactly that; now it's out by the curb and I have no couch.
The back story on that, to put the significance of that act into perspective, is that some part of my subconscious was associating the furniture and the clutter with my mother, and trying to "hold on to her" by doing so. She's been dead 10 years now, come June 26th. So it was not making any sense and not helping things.
Also, over the years the couch has become very ratty. It started off ugly, and went downhill from there. I found that no matter what I did I could not get it clean, and then one of my dogs had a "little explosion issue" that left me with the option of washing the whole thing down, or throwing it away. For a little while, I was paralyzed between wanting to just toss the damned thing, ugly and dirty and impossible to get really clean enough to make me happy, and keeping it because (insert excuses #1 through #349 here).
Yesterday, I up and got rid of it. No pushing from anyone... GF wisely allowed me to do that on my own time. Now there is no couch, and that section of the room is empty, and has been vacuumed four times. Lots of dust etc. under it.
My old ratty couch is not a tie to my mother's memory. I have that inside me, and it will never go away. "Things" don't tie me to her memory, and that is becoming more and more true every day. This is MAJOR progress, because ever since she died, some part of me was wanting to hoard crap to "hold on to her memory". (Partly because she was a hoarder, and so was my grandmother.) I have tried to push back and keep the hoarding to a minimum, but there has always been more clutter than I was happy with, and I couldn't seem to get past a certain amount of progress with removing it.
Now I am seeing that these "things" are not necessary. I'm going to throw away the old end table that I have left over from 20 years ago, which is long since the last part of the set it was part of (a living room coffee table and two end tables). In fact, hold on while I go do that.
(10 minutes later)
It's done. Ahhhh, freedom. This actually feels good!
I had my subconscious attempt something sneaky and amusing while I was doing that. That end table was glass-top. The glass was big enough that it would have made a nice cover for the areaof my desk that I use for work. "We could put it on the desk. It would make the desk much more pleasant to write on. And when you're doing perfumery, it would be easier to clean up!"
Then I realized it was trying to hold onto the glass, just like it had tried to hold on to the table. No. I put it out by the curb, along with the table and the lamp that had been sitting on it.
I am going to clear out the clutter in my house, a little at a time. And then I'll be free.
Given how difficult it is to work with people who have bad hoarding habits (mine are not bad), this really impresses me. Maybe OF 5.75G will prove to be an effective treatment for hoarding too!
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
