Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Shannon]

A lot of what I would talk about has to do with having it transition me from refusing to allow myself to be led by my girlfriend, and leading her instead.  At that time, I was dating a model, not the hottest woman I ever dated, but she looked like Gabriel Union.  This woman was strong willed and used to getting her way through sex, manipulation, lies and whatever else it took to achieve, but she was also really good at self deception, so I couldn't tell when she was lying for the first year of our relationship because she genuinely believed her own lies.

When the dam broke, I was in a bad place emotionally.  I had a situation I could not accept (cheating, being lied to, etc.) forcing me to deal with a fear I could not face (being alone).  I remember one day before she came home from work realizing in no uncertain terms that I had to give her an ultimatum: stop cheating and get serious, or get out of my life.  That scared the hell out of me, and while I was taking a shower I remember I broke down crying out of fear of her walking out.  The only reason I had the courage to actually stand up with no tears and genuinely deliver that ultimatum without flinching was Alpha Male.  

She walked in that door and I hit her with it like a lead brick, drill sergeant style.  No fear, no hesitation, nothing but my way or the highway.  Looking back, had I been further along in my development, I would simply have told her that she blew it, and get out.  But for me to go from so terrified of being alone that I would let a woman do anything she wanted to me and behind my back, to giving an ultimatum without hesitation was a huge change for me.

She bent to my will.  Unfortunately, she was the type who loved a strong man, but would never stop trying to test, push boundaries and get away with shit, and it wasn't long before she was back at it.  Lying, cheating, stealing, drugs, etc.  That second move was even harder, but I did kick her out.  

You might be asking yourself, "How does this apply to leadership?"  Well I was, for the first time in my life, leading myself through and past my biggest fears, and that took a lot of leadership.

Later on, we tried to get back together (because I was being willfully delusional) but she kept doing it, and even after she stopped, the fallout was just too much.  And I ended it for good, another very difficult thing to do, because some part of me was willing to do and accept and believe anything to keep her.  I think part of that was that she had some sort of way of manipulating my emotions and sex drive that I didn't understand for a long time.

So the AM leadership training got me this beautiful girlfriend who loved sex like she loved to breathe, and got me out of that relationship with her when I would not have had the strength or will to otherwise.  Without AM, I firmly believe that I would have ended up either dead or in prison as a result of that relationship.  As it turned out, I was fine, and she ended up in prison.  (And for something incredibly stupid, too, which you would never guess in a million years unless you knew she was an active alcoholic at the time.  Which, somehow, I hadn't figured out.)

Thanks for sharing the story - I know to well how to be manipulated into the claws of someone else. Both by a "friend" who found ways to manipulate me to stay being his friend by taking advantage of my fear of being alone - and a girl who didn't really care for me, but I stayed with her and became extremely co-dependent. I think it's a coin with two sides - it's some part the other persons fault, using your weaknesses against you and not being a real supportive human being (often because their own lack of being able to take care of themselves) - and your own fault for getting into that situation in the first place. 

LTU5 have helped me get back to a place where I feel more and more "secure" in my "self" - i.e. I "need" other people to a lesser degree - and this time I have been dealing with the root cause for my co-dependent tendencies - which got me into the situations I described above - which I believe stem from my relationship with my mother (of course...) - she is co-dependent herself, and I think that she somewhat unconsciously have raised me to be less independent (and I notice her showing anger when I show signs of independence - which previously made me avoid that to avoid the fear of her anger) - to make me forever attached to her so she didn't had to deal with her own fear in the bottom of her co-dependence (of loosing me). It's really sad, but I'm glad I'm starting to realize this stuff - I haven't really felt that I was good enough, or allowed to take care of my own needs - it's a deep problem and I'm still working on it. 

I want to find myself being fully self-supportive, as far away of the awful codependence I've experienced in the past - so maybe AM7 will help me achieving this in the future when I feel ready for it. Right now LTU5 is doing a good job and I think LTU6 will do an even better one at helping me overcome these issues. 

By the way - I think you should provide examples, as the one you did above, for each point in the AM-program. Some of the points are a bit abstract, and while you can get an idea of what they refer to, a real-world example for each one would become very illustrative to what kind of things the program help you develop - and in turn maybe increasing your sales.

And to be honest, I was hoping for an answer about leadership in other situations than with women. I understand that being independent from women is what many people here are trying to achieve, and from what I understand becoming an AM will bring this effect to your life. But I also want to know more about how AM will develop you as a leader and a man in general - like in social situations, at work, etc - how will people, other men react to you, how are you able to motivate and inspire other people, etc?

Thanks, and all the best!

Hi Shannon,

Seems that you haven't got around to answer my post above yet. Just wanted to make sure you didn't overlook it. If you need some time to answer it, it's no problem.

Oh, you wanted to hear about the time I led Seal Team 27 against the legions of Hades and Kicked Total Ass™*?  lol

AM6 is primarily about self leadership, and that is primarily what I use it for.  Leading others is not my interest, but I do that through this forum, and through helping others in various ways.  Others may find that AM6 helps them lead others, but if you want to hear about me leading others through AM6, you're going to have to read a LOT of old posts on this here forum.

I also use what it has done for me to help me teach and assist younger people (and sometimes older, but it's usually teens and 20's) understand themselves and how to avoid making mistakes that will hold them back or harm them.  It's not really an exciting story, or very glamorous.  It requires knowing myself well, understanding them, and being willing to be patient with them when they make mistakes.  

Being alpha doesn't necessarily mean I go arm wrestle with my man Dwayne "The Rock" on Thursdays while we are at the bar.*

Not sure what you're looking for.

* This is an example, and did not actually happen.

I think what I was looking for was an understanding of what it is that AM help you develop that makes people see you as a leader. Is it because you are a self leader in the first hand that also make others trust you enough to see you as a potential leader would you say?

There are two types of leaders.  Those who lead themselves first and foremost, and those who don't.  The former people take seriously out of respect.  The latter people have to fear before they will take them seriously.

If you went through boot camp in the military, and your Drill Instructor had his mother waking him up every morning and reminding him to do his laundry, would you take him seriously?  Or do you take him seriously because he leads himself first and foremost, and then leads you?

Trust is earned.  If you want people to trust you, you need to know that actions always speak louder than words.  It isn't what you say that matters, it's what you do.  If those around you see you leading yourself, they know you're a leader.  The question is, do you care to lead them also?  By leading yourself, you are doing the truth.  You don't have to tell people you're a leader.  By providing yourself with what you need in life, people see that you are a leader because you don't go looking to someone else to give you permission, or make you whole.  Those actions, the self leadership,. is what makes people trust you as a leader.  The best leaders are always the ones people want to follow, instead of being forced.

That is what AM6 does.