I hear you. I think if I had some positive experiences with women, that would be enough to help me make the transition to believing design goal is indeed possible for me. Something irrefutable to counter decades of precedent to the contrary. It's hard to balance the scale in that other direction with what I've had so far with girls.
I will try more to make myself see it is possible. I'm trying with women still, trying to make moves. Recently, one went badly, again, so it's set me back a bit on this thought process of believing it's possible. I know her and her sister, always had an awesome vibe with her so I decided to ask her out to push myself. Didn't go well. Unfortunate. What's strange is, a few days ago, I had a dream about her and I. I went to visit her at a house. She was showing me around, and looked back over her shoulder hugely smiling and blatantly said to me "so, are we having sex?". I was taken back, a bit shocked by the bluntness. Keep in mind, on all of these subs ever, I've only had 2-3 dreams where there is any implied sexual content or something like this in the dream, so that was notable. I said, after thinking, I didn't have a condom, she seemed to accept that, and we went on with the tour and very shortly after, I woke up. That same night I had a dream about another girl I know and have liked a lot but didn't succeed with. In the dream, I was going to a really nice house to see her or pick her up, I don't know. I didn't actually get to see her in the dream maybe I don't recall, I remember being outside the house and "knew" I was going there for her for some reason. Two dreams about girls in one night was notable. Girl dreams at ALL are very rare for me on these subs, for some reason. Even attraction subs rarely give me girl dreams. Odd.
It isn't just my old broken arm, it's been the constant failure with girls despite lots of effort since that has demoralised me I think. Positive vibes are great, but they can't be self-sustaining forever with no fuel I guess is what I mean. That has been my problem, the lack of positive experiences with girls during my life. So with DMSI, perhaps it's like going from not knowing a word of a language, to fluency. Like one extreme, to another. Hard to wrap the head around.
I will continue to try to believe it's possible, and try with girls again. If I "try" too hard, they don't seem to like that either. That's been a big problem too, "over pursuing" or "liking them too much" somehow. So, I have to "try"...but not "too much"...very annoyingly over complicated. Oh well.
Just wanted to post that in case anything could be used for the program going forward. I know we've discussed it before. Just felt it was worth a post.
Thank you for everything, regardless of the outcome. It's a painful shame that such a thing, design goal for DMSI, is such a terribly foreign concept to me and seems impossible to me. My mind just does not believe women I am attracted to, would ever be capable of acting such a way towards me, which pains me to write out.
I'll try to work on that somehow.
I will try more to make myself see it is possible. I'm trying with women still, trying to make moves. Recently, one went badly, again, so it's set me back a bit on this thought process of believing it's possible. I know her and her sister, always had an awesome vibe with her so I decided to ask her out to push myself. Didn't go well. Unfortunate. What's strange is, a few days ago, I had a dream about her and I. I went to visit her at a house. She was showing me around, and looked back over her shoulder hugely smiling and blatantly said to me "so, are we having sex?". I was taken back, a bit shocked by the bluntness. Keep in mind, on all of these subs ever, I've only had 2-3 dreams where there is any implied sexual content or something like this in the dream, so that was notable. I said, after thinking, I didn't have a condom, she seemed to accept that, and we went on with the tour and very shortly after, I woke up. That same night I had a dream about another girl I know and have liked a lot but didn't succeed with. In the dream, I was going to a really nice house to see her or pick her up, I don't know. I didn't actually get to see her in the dream maybe I don't recall, I remember being outside the house and "knew" I was going there for her for some reason. Two dreams about girls in one night was notable. Girl dreams at ALL are very rare for me on these subs, for some reason. Even attraction subs rarely give me girl dreams. Odd.
It isn't just my old broken arm, it's been the constant failure with girls despite lots of effort since that has demoralised me I think. Positive vibes are great, but they can't be self-sustaining forever with no fuel I guess is what I mean. That has been my problem, the lack of positive experiences with girls during my life. So with DMSI, perhaps it's like going from not knowing a word of a language, to fluency. Like one extreme, to another. Hard to wrap the head around.
I will continue to try to believe it's possible, and try with girls again. If I "try" too hard, they don't seem to like that either. That's been a big problem too, "over pursuing" or "liking them too much" somehow. So, I have to "try"...but not "too much"...very annoyingly over complicated. Oh well.
Just wanted to post that in case anything could be used for the program going forward. I know we've discussed it before. Just felt it was worth a post.
Thank you for everything, regardless of the outcome. It's a painful shame that such a thing, design goal for DMSI, is such a terribly foreign concept to me and seems impossible to me. My mind just does not believe women I am attracted to, would ever be capable of acting such a way towards me, which pains me to write out.
I'll try to work on that somehow.
