Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Shannon]

Shannon Wrote:
Woman Magnet is a very, very soft touch and very general compared to DMSI.  I think you have some part of you that is afraid of something to do with sex fighting DMSI.  Are you perhaps afraid of pregnancy or disease or something like that at a deep level?

I see. I liked WM best for those colourful interactions it gave me but if it comes to "sex executing" I had average results but yeah it made me sexually bold.

It's an interesting question. I'm not concerned about pregnancy since I can control ejaculation perfectly but when I had sex with a stranger (a Filipina) without protection almost two years ago she rubbed one place on my groin where I had had something under my skin since I remember and after that that thing grew big end exploded and it had been festering for one week till she squeezed the pus out for me completely. I went pretty crazy thinking I was infected with HIV. I couldn't sleep and eat well being obsessed about it and browsing a tons of info on HIV on the internet. Since then I was concerned on having protected sex only. It was irrational since the risk is really low and I don't have sex with "high risk" women. Now I'm in Thailand where the rate of people infected with HIV is 2% so it concerns me a bit too. Another problem is I don't like protected sex (like we all do) and the perspective of having protected sex is not really appealing to me.

Irrational indeed, since neither HIV nor AIDs causes pus filled nodules like the one you describe, and you already had something that it apparently came from before her rubbing it.  IIRC HIV takes several months of incubation to even be possible to detect.  The pus filled nodule likely was a cyst of some sort surrounding something infectious and she either squeezed something out of it or ruptured it while rubbing it, which caused the infection to start to spread, which resulted in a rapid development of a lot of pus until it ruptured and was cleaned out.  It could have started from an infected pore.  But HIV?  That seems pretty far fetched, and it also seems far fetched that you would have done all that research on HIV without realizing that.

Ultimately, you have two choices.  You either protect yourself or you play the lottery with your life.  Given your fearful response, it sounds to me like one part of you is terrified of getting HIV (and it should be), and the other part of you is just stupid.  Of course the head with which you are thinking to have unprotected sex with a woman who has that high a chance of being infected with HIV has no brain in it, so that explains the stupid.  I cannot say I have not done stupid things in the past when I was thinking with the wrong head.  Fortunately, I made it through unscathed, which is actually pretty amazing considering how many times I have been cheated on by my girlfriends.

If you don't do stupid things, you don't need to worry about contracting HIV from having done stupid things, do you.