12-01-2019, 02:37 PM
I need to admit something, as it's been affecting me all day. Now that I think about it, I was doing it before I wrote this morning. But circumstances have had it brewing a little while.
I've had the victim mentality running non-stop. Being mad at anyone and everyone for the choices I make has been where I've been most of the day. I've not had it come up in discussions today, and I even wished to escape my lonely neighbor who came out when I got home from doing laundry. Upon settling down, I listened to my thoughts and feelings. Poor, powerless me thoughts followed by an expectation that someone besides me should and could lift me up. I've lived my whole life that way, and it's surfaced in the midst of remembering old memories this weekend.
It's my old way of not being responsible. Blame, anger, and feelings spit out harshly have been how it shows. I acted this way with my female miner last weekend, and I've stayed away from her--I've continually seen her as the mad, angry perpetrator of my unchecked miner choice. Poor me victim thinking all the way through.
And I saw Shannon in that light this morning after saying all of "Rule 4". Anger all day in me, imagining the worst. I am grateful I'm seeing it now, though I'm still uncomfortable taking full responsibility for me.
What am I angry about? Change. Me having to be responsible for me. This is in essence, a whiny post, and it's affecting me. I'm seeking better thinking choices. I'm going to go take a walk
I've had the victim mentality running non-stop. Being mad at anyone and everyone for the choices I make has been where I've been most of the day. I've not had it come up in discussions today, and I even wished to escape my lonely neighbor who came out when I got home from doing laundry. Upon settling down, I listened to my thoughts and feelings. Poor, powerless me thoughts followed by an expectation that someone besides me should and could lift me up. I've lived my whole life that way, and it's surfaced in the midst of remembering old memories this weekend.
It's my old way of not being responsible. Blame, anger, and feelings spit out harshly have been how it shows. I acted this way with my female miner last weekend, and I've stayed away from her--I've continually seen her as the mad, angry perpetrator of my unchecked miner choice. Poor me victim thinking all the way through.
And I saw Shannon in that light this morning after saying all of "Rule 4". Anger all day in me, imagining the worst. I am grateful I'm seeing it now, though I'm still uncomfortable taking full responsibility for me.
What am I angry about? Change. Me having to be responsible for me. This is in essence, a whiny post, and it's affecting me. I'm seeking better thinking choices. I'm going to go take a walk
I want to be FREE!
