After I posted here this morning, I was able to chat with a customer service rep about my mining account. I let him know my wishes, and I left for work not hoping much.
My mining began 2 hours ago, and I'm definitely in profit. I'd not been aware they were so active in setting up my account, but he set it up just like I requested. Cool beans.
Running UMS loops now. I didn't feel off emotionally myself--but I was VERY aware of my driver's embedded victim mentality. I listened and watched him bring it into everything we spoke about. It was a toned-down version of the angry victim, and I felt it. I spoke up once about it but realized he didn't want what I spoke of. I found myself stepping towards the angry victim role, so I decided to let him be. Me trying to change him did not bring me peace, and it never has with anyone else. Letting people be themselves is their choice, not mine. I need to live in my own skin, not someone else's.
I'm bothered by this because......I'm seeing it/maybe looking for it in the family who's renting here now. Well, the boyfriend's a drinker, and last weekend I overheard him seeking some support from his future father-in-law while drinking, he didn't get it, and after the FIL left, he began a fight with his woman, him still seeking some pity and validation. He sought a blowup and made it out of nothing. It became him demanding his way and shooting himself in the foot ultimately. He finally left for the evening.
Why am I seeing this? Frick. I don't like the answer, but I must be using this means for attention myself. I am. I have been, even though it's been toned down some. Being around practicing victims is like them waking up to old strategies I've used. I'm sitting here doubting myself in getting rid of it, and I used it excessively for decades. I'm running loops now and will pay attention to it, looking for different choices as I go along.
A better question (it was poking at me inside) is "why?" Why am I seeking this in my own life? I'm seeking old "safe" ways of avoiding responsibility in life. That sounds true. Really true right now. Having a shit-ton of money isn't all la-la land. Mostly since I've been worrying about little hangups happening and imagining bad things happening down the road.
Which is why I'm grateful to have UMS working in me. I'd not have come this far 2 months back, pre-UMS. UMS is my financial shit repellant. Most of my shit has been mental. I'm grateful for the unique privilege of running a powerful, focused money sub while making so many changes in my financial life. I am grateful.
My mining began 2 hours ago, and I'm definitely in profit. I'd not been aware they were so active in setting up my account, but he set it up just like I requested. Cool beans.
Running UMS loops now. I didn't feel off emotionally myself--but I was VERY aware of my driver's embedded victim mentality. I listened and watched him bring it into everything we spoke about. It was a toned-down version of the angry victim, and I felt it. I spoke up once about it but realized he didn't want what I spoke of. I found myself stepping towards the angry victim role, so I decided to let him be. Me trying to change him did not bring me peace, and it never has with anyone else. Letting people be themselves is their choice, not mine. I need to live in my own skin, not someone else's.
I'm bothered by this because......I'm seeing it/maybe looking for it in the family who's renting here now. Well, the boyfriend's a drinker, and last weekend I overheard him seeking some support from his future father-in-law while drinking, he didn't get it, and after the FIL left, he began a fight with his woman, him still seeking some pity and validation. He sought a blowup and made it out of nothing. It became him demanding his way and shooting himself in the foot ultimately. He finally left for the evening.
Why am I seeing this? Frick. I don't like the answer, but I must be using this means for attention myself. I am. I have been, even though it's been toned down some. Being around practicing victims is like them waking up to old strategies I've used. I'm sitting here doubting myself in getting rid of it, and I used it excessively for decades. I'm running loops now and will pay attention to it, looking for different choices as I go along.
A better question (it was poking at me inside) is "why?" Why am I seeking this in my own life? I'm seeking old "safe" ways of avoiding responsibility in life. That sounds true. Really true right now. Having a shit-ton of money isn't all la-la land. Mostly since I've been worrying about little hangups happening and imagining bad things happening down the road.
Which is why I'm grateful to have UMS working in me. I'd not have come this far 2 months back, pre-UMS. UMS is my financial shit repellant. Most of my shit has been mental. I'm grateful for the unique privilege of running a powerful, focused money sub while making so many changes in my financial life. I am grateful.
I want to be FREE!
