11-19-2019, 01:30 AM
Thanks for the compliment EP 
I didn't know you were autistic. Have you ever written about it here on the forum? That might shed light on some degree of resistance you've struggled with. My ex-wife used to wonder if I had Asperger's since it's like high functioning Autism. Thinking now, I believe she thought that since I was very resistant to her suggestions or demands about anything. What I personally noticed was that I self-sabotaged almost anything constantly to hang on to my little "safe" view of my world. My inner fear and pain was mostly unexpressed, but sabotaging myself was one "honest" expression of it. Fear and pain mixed equaled anger, and I pointed it at myself first, then her and my Mom second. That was all I knew, even though it brought constant pain to me and my closest relationships.
I didn't know you were autistic. Have you ever written about it here on the forum? That might shed light on some degree of resistance you've struggled with. My ex-wife used to wonder if I had Asperger's since it's like high functioning Autism. Thinking now, I believe she thought that since I was very resistant to her suggestions or demands about anything. What I personally noticed was that I self-sabotaged almost anything constantly to hang on to my little "safe" view of my world. My inner fear and pain was mostly unexpressed, but sabotaging myself was one "honest" expression of it. Fear and pain mixed equaled anger, and I pointed it at myself first, then her and my Mom second. That was all I knew, even though it brought constant pain to me and my closest relationships.
I want to be FREE!
