Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Paul1131]

You're right, Shannon. It seems I need to love myself enough to treat myself better, as has been the case in the past. I'm afraid to do what you suggest though. Maybe because I'm worried that if I let go of whatever umhealthy beleifs or programming I'm holding onto, I'll stop playing shitty stupid games and will therefor "lose" them. Or something. I'm not sure. I don't know. I have some DEEP insecurities programmed by years of negative experiences sending the message "You're inadequate, and this is why X, Y and Z" and so I don't want to let go of that programming because then I worry that I'll never be able to prove that statement wrong by accomplishing X Y and Z because I'll no longer pursue X Y amd Z. But all of that is based on the premise of "You're inadequate" and so long as that premise fuels it all, X Y and Z is out of reach anyway. I dunno. It's hard to explain. Thank you for reminding me that I deserve better treatment though. I'll just carpetbomb then bloom 7 days on and off like I've BEEN doing then, because I don't know what other regimen (or whatever you call it) works better. Thank you for your honest feedback. It really gave me some much needed perspective. Thank you.

Hey EP.  The tone and content of this post shows improvement already.  It almost sounds like a different person talking even since last week.  I can sense a new confidence.  Good job.

Thanks Paul. Although I'm not feeling very confident...

The first sub I ever used when I discovered them was a Brand X confidence program.  It didn’t work really fast, but other people noticed long before I did.