11-10-2019, 11:07 AM
I want to report something that stirred in me today, and it's never been so clear before.
Going back first, I've had clear times on UD mostly, but E2 too, where I'd go out in public, and since I was liking what I was feeling so much, my normal MO of meeting looks, smiling, or acknowledging someone was put off to the side. What was going on inside me felt way more important, and my self esteem had been taken out of other's control and back into my own. I had a related experience today.
I'd done my laundry, so heading home I stopped at Wally world to get something. When I was leaving, I remembered some women outside while I was coming in, and I thought they were fundraising for something. I'd planned on speaking to them to be nice. That didn't happen though.
They may have been pitching something, but upon walking outside, they both turned to me, didn't say anything, but one of them lit up wide-eyed. I was obviously not wanting to put on a mask, but her lighting up made me smile. I mumbled something, and I kept walking. What entered my mind while I was walking was "I tire myself out trying to make everybody happy". That's when I remembered and held on to past memories of not giving myself away when on that subliminal execution high.
I'd just never heard my thoughts so clearly before. I remembered just feelings before. And seconds ago, I had feelings come up quickly while writing, which were fears saying "is this alright to feel?"
The FRM is doing something.
Going back first, I've had clear times on UD mostly, but E2 too, where I'd go out in public, and since I was liking what I was feeling so much, my normal MO of meeting looks, smiling, or acknowledging someone was put off to the side. What was going on inside me felt way more important, and my self esteem had been taken out of other's control and back into my own. I had a related experience today.
I'd done my laundry, so heading home I stopped at Wally world to get something. When I was leaving, I remembered some women outside while I was coming in, and I thought they were fundraising for something. I'd planned on speaking to them to be nice. That didn't happen though.
They may have been pitching something, but upon walking outside, they both turned to me, didn't say anything, but one of them lit up wide-eyed. I was obviously not wanting to put on a mask, but her lighting up made me smile. I mumbled something, and I kept walking. What entered my mind while I was walking was "I tire myself out trying to make everybody happy". That's when I remembered and held on to past memories of not giving myself away when on that subliminal execution high.
I'd just never heard my thoughts so clearly before. I remembered just feelings before. And seconds ago, I had feelings come up quickly while writing, which were fears saying "is this alright to feel?"
The FRM is doing something.
I want to be FREE!
