11-08-2019, 05:16 PM
I must admit this. Old fears of being hurt physically have me trying to defend the assailant, my coworker. I've seen him pissed just a few times, and I feared he'd smash me if I crossed him. Fuck!
I find myself in my survival mindset, which is me giving up all sense of power and opposition.
Feeling my fears, I've rarely had such fears with this coworker. Seriously. I've spent a lot of enjoyable time around him. I have this knowing this is more about memories of my brother's anger. He was always, every single time, a RAGE fighter. No plan when he was mad. Just anger, force, and adrenaline.
That's what is scaring me. I felt helpless around that rage. The coworker's asshole move reflected that mindset that he'd not be violent as long as I was compliant. That scared the fuck out of me, since that's what happened to me with my brother. I think he tried to rape me in rage.
Dammit. Crying.
I find myself in my survival mindset, which is me giving up all sense of power and opposition.
Feeling my fears, I've rarely had such fears with this coworker. Seriously. I've spent a lot of enjoyable time around him. I have this knowing this is more about memories of my brother's anger. He was always, every single time, a RAGE fighter. No plan when he was mad. Just anger, force, and adrenaline.
That's what is scaring me. I felt helpless around that rage. The coworker's asshole move reflected that mindset that he'd not be violent as long as I was compliant. That scared the fuck out of me, since that's what happened to me with my brother. I think he tried to rape me in rage.
Dammit. Crying.
I want to be FREE!
