11-08-2019, 01:54 AM
(11-07-2019, 04:37 PM)findingme Wrote: I found out 30 minutes ago my scratch-off had already been cashed out. I've never played these, so I wasn't aware I could validate my ticket locally. I called the FL lottery this afternoon and found out at a local gas station. I was planning on going to West Palm tomorrow, so I'm glad I called them. No $500,000 winner here.
I've been in touch with a miner friend this afternoon, and I told him about this. He asked me "what's going on over there?" since I was quiet. I told him I was listening to music videos and trying to allow feelings to surface. I'm a little disappointed and embarrassed I didn't know about this, but what is sitting in me is totally unrelated. But very connected in my life. A melancholy connection.
This morning a trusted coworker I've known 2 years now went down a road which stuck in my gut. This guys done 4 prison terms, and an older worker who I worked with earlier in the week said "there's only one reason someone goes back to prison 4 times; I think he was into some homosexual stuff", and he was being serious. I'd never made that connection. It stuck in my head.
This morning the former inmate made some "funny" aggressive comments to me in a room with 10 or so men, asking if I'd ever done any homosexual activities, giving the hint he wanted me to be his "bitch". I laughed it off, hoping to disempower the tension I felt, but I was embarrassed, even ashamed. I didn't react or defend myself, at all. Felt similar to me and my brother.
This is connected to my own brother when I was younger. He attempted to rape me when I was around 12, I've blocked it out--and this act was linked in my head to my brother leaving home so rapidly, like it was my fault he left. I've not resolved that yet, but this E3 has done more than any other healing sub for traumatic wounds so far. It pushes the connecting buttons.
This might be more serious than you think. For guys who’ve done serious time, those comments are NEVER just a joke. At best it’s a dominance move, at worst he means it literally, but calling another guy a bitch is deadly serious for him.
