08-16-2019, 01:15 AM
I began thinking about self esteem in the last few days, as I've been wondering what I say about myself to other people by my actions. When I looked inside, I discounted myself and desires almost regularly. It was melancholy, to say the least.
Then, yesterday I began feeling desires and wants.......to feel good about my life, my choices, all of it. And it didn't (seem to) come from me, since it didn't come from fear. Just seeing my old beliefs while writing.
And I'll say ALSO in the last 24 hours, I've tried to sabotage these feelings: extra coffee mostly. The new norm is something I've both fought and wanted many, many times.
Self sabotage has been used as a survival tactic numerous times, and I'm even listening to the soundtrack for Phantom of the Opera now, the story of an extremely talented and capable man believing he's a monster, hiding himself away from society. Wow. I connect with this story.
These have been my truths. I'm writing since I'm still going forward. LTU is rewriting beliefs slowly, and this back and forth progress I see as being right where I'm supposed to be. I have today, and I feel good now. Little revelations appear daily, and this makes it all worth it. I am changing.
Then, yesterday I began feeling desires and wants.......to feel good about my life, my choices, all of it. And it didn't (seem to) come from me, since it didn't come from fear. Just seeing my old beliefs while writing.
And I'll say ALSO in the last 24 hours, I've tried to sabotage these feelings: extra coffee mostly. The new norm is something I've both fought and wanted many, many times.
Self sabotage has been used as a survival tactic numerous times, and I'm even listening to the soundtrack for Phantom of the Opera now, the story of an extremely talented and capable man believing he's a monster, hiding himself away from society. Wow. I connect with this story.
These have been my truths. I'm writing since I'm still going forward. LTU is rewriting beliefs slowly, and this back and forth progress I see as being right where I'm supposed to be. I have today, and I feel good now. Little revelations appear daily, and this makes it all worth it. I am changing.
I want to be FREE!
